Page 423 - sons-and-lovers

that he ever could want Clara or Miriam or any woman
whom he knew. Sex desire was a sort of detached thing,
that did not belong to a woman. He loved Miriam with
his soul. He grew warm at the thought of Clara, he battled
with her, he knew the curves of her breast and shoulders
as if they had been moulded inside him; and yet he did not
positively desire her. He would have denied it for ever. He
believed himself really bound to Miriam. If ever he should
marry, some time in the far future, it would be his duty to
marry Miriam. That he gave Clara to understand, and she
said nothing, but left him to his courses. He came to her,
Mrs. Dawes, whenever he could. Then he wrote frequently
to Miriam, and visited the girl occasionally. So he went on
through the winter; but he seemed not so fretted. His moth-
er was easier about him. She thought he was getting away
from Miriam.
Miriam knew now how strong was the attraction of Clara
for him; but still she was certain that the best in him would
triumph. His feeling for Mrs. Dawes—who, moreover, was
a married woman— was shallow and temporal, compared
with his love for herself. He would come back to her, she was
sure; with some of his young freshness gone, perhaps, but
cured of his desire for the lesser things which other women
than herself could give him. She could bear all if he were in-
wardly true to her and must come back.
He saw none of the anomaly of his position. Miriam was
his old friend, lover, and she belonged to Bestwood and
home and his youth. Clara was a newer friend, and she be-
longed to Nottingham, to life, to the world. It seemed to

Sons and Lovers