Page 427 - sons-and-lovers

CHAPTER XI

THE TEST ON MIRIAM

WITH the spring came again the old madness and battle.
Now he knew he would have to go to Miriam. But what was
his reluctance? He told himself it was only a sort of over-
strong virginity in her and him which neither could break
through. He might have married her; but his circumstances
at home made it difficult, and, moreover, he did not want to
marry. Marriage was for life, and because they had become
close companions, he and she, he did not see that it should
inevitably follow they should be man and wife. He did not
feel that he wanted marriage with Miriam. He wished he
did. He would have given his head to have felt a joyous de-
sire to marry her and to have her. Then why couldn’t he
bring it off? There was some obstacle; and what was the ob-
stacle? It lay in the physical bondage. He shrank from the
physical contact. But why? With her he felt bound up inside
himself. He could not go out to her. Something struggled in
him, but he could not get to her. Why? She loved him. Clara
said she even wanted him; then why couldn’t he go to her,
make love to her, kiss her? Why, when she put her arm in
his, timidly, as they walked, did he feel he would burst forth

Sons and Lovers