Page 487 - sons-and-lovers

‘It’s so hard to say, but the something big and intense that
changes you when you really come together with somebody
else. It almost seems to fertilise your soul and make it that
you can go on and mature.’
‘And you think your mother had it with your father?’
‘Yes; and at the bottom she feels grateful to him for giv-
ing it her, even now, though they are miles apart.’
‘And you think Clara never had it?’
‘I’m sure.’
Miriam pondered this. She saw what he was seeking—
a sort of baptism of fire in passion, it seemed to her. She
realised that he would never be satisfied till he had it. Per-
haps it was essential to him, as to some men, to sow wild
oats; and afterwards, when he was satisfied, he would not
rage with restlessness any more, but could settle down and
give her his life into her hands. Well, then, if he must go,
let him go and have his fill—something big and intense, he
called it. At any rate, when he had got it, he would not want
it—that he said himself; he would want the other thing that
she could give him. He would want to be owned, so that he
could work. It seemed to her a bitter thing that he must go,
but she could let him go into an inn for a glass of whisky, so
she could let him go to Clara, so long as it was something
that would satisfy a need in him, and leave him free for her-
self to possess.
‘Have you told your mother about Clara?’ she asked.
She knew this would be a test of the seriousness of his
feeling for the other woman: she knew he was going to Clara
for something vital, not as a man goes for pleasure to a pros-

Sons and Lovers