Page 1101 - the-brothers-karamazov

un chien dehors..’
Alyosha ran to the washing-stand, wetted the towel, per-
suaded Ivan to sit down again, and put the wet towel round
his head. He sat down beside him.
‘What were you telling me just now about Lise?’ Ivan be-
gan again. (He was becoming very talkative.) ‘I like Lise. I
said something nasty about her. It was a lie. I like her... I am
afraid for Katya to-morrow. I am more afraid of her than
of anything. On account of the future. She will cast me off
to-morrow and trample me under foot. She thinks that I
am ruining Mitya from jealousy on her account! Yes, she
thinks that! But it’s not so. To-morrow the cross, but not
the gallows. No, I shan’t hang myself. Do you know, I can
never commit suicide, Alyosha. Is it because I am base? I
am not a coward. Is it from love of life? How did I know that
Smerdyakov had hanged himself? Yes, it was he told me so.’
‘And you are quite convinced that there has been some-
one here?’ asked Alyosha.
‘Yes, on that sofa in the corner. You would have driven
him away. You did drive him away: he disappeared when
you arrived. I love your face, Alyosha. Did you know that I
loved your face? And he is myself, Alyosha. All that’s base in
me, all that’s mean and contemptible. Yes, I am a romantic.
He guessed it... though it’s a libel. He is frightfully stupid;
but it’s to his advantage. He has cunning, animal cunning
— he knew how to infuriate me. He kept taunting me with
believing in him, and that was how he made me listen to
him. He fooled me like a boy. He told me a great deal that
was true about myself, though. I should never have owned

1100 The Brothers Karamazov