Page 1105 - the-brothers-karamazov

what he had just said. ‘I seem to be sleeping awake... I walk,
I speak, I see, but I am asleep.’ It seemed to be just like
that now. Alyosha did not leave him. The thought passed
through his mind to run for a doctor, but he was afraid to
leave his brother alone: there was no one to whom he could
leave him. By degrees Ivan lost consciousness completely at
last. He still went on talking, talking incessantly, but quite
incoherently, and even articulated his words with difficulty.
Suddenly he staggered violently; but Alyosha was in time to
support him. Ivan let him lead him to his bed. Alyosha un-
dressed him somehow and put him to bed. He sat watching
over him for another two hours. The sick man slept soundly,
without stirring, breathing softly and evenly. Alyosha took
a pillow and lay down on the sofa, without undressing.
As he fell asleep he prayed for Mitya and Ivan. He be-
gan to understand Ivan’s illness. ‘The anguish of a proud
determination. An earnest conscience!’ God, in Whom he
disbelieved, and His truth were gaining mastery over his
heart, which still refused to submit. ‘Yes,’ the thought float-
ed through Alyosha’s head as it lay on the pillow, ‘yes, if
Smerdyakov is dead, no one will believe Ivan’s evidence;
but he will go and give it.’ Alyosha smiled softly. ‘God will
conquer!’ he thought. ‘He will either rise up in the light of
truth, or... he’ll perish in hate, revenging on himself and on
everyone his having served the cause he does not believe in,’
Alyosha added bitterly, and again he prayed for Ivan.

110 The Brothers Karamazov