Page 1168 - the-brothers-karamazov
P. 1168

science! He tormented himself with his conscience! He told
       me everything, everything! He came every day and talked
       to me as his only friend. I have the honour to be his only
       friend!’ she cried suddenly with a sort of defiance, and her
       eyes flashed. ‘He had been twice to see Smerdyakov. One
       day he came to me and said, ‘If it was not my brother, but
       Smerdyakov  committed  the  murder’  (for  the  legend  was
       circulating everywhere that Smerdyakov had done it), ‘per-
       haps I too am guilty, for Smerdyakov knew I didn’t like my
       father and perhaps believed that I desired my father’s death.’
       Then I brought out that letter and showed it him. He was
       entirely convinced that his brother had done it, and he was
       overwhelmed by it. He couldn’t endure the thought that his
       own brother was a parricide! Only a week ago I saw that it
       was making him ill. During the last few days he has talk-
       ed incoherently in my presence. I saw his mind was giving
       way. He walked about, raving; he was seen muttering in the
       streets. The doctor from Moscow, at my request, examined
       him the day before yesterday and told me that he was on the
       eve of brain fever — and all on his account, on account of
       this monster! And last night he learnt that Smerdyakov was
       dead! It was such a shock that it drove him out of his mind...
       and all through this monster, all for the sake of saving the
       monster!’
          Oh, of course, such an outpouring, such an avowal is
       only possible once in a lifetime — at the hour of death, for
       instance, on the way to the scaffold! But it was in Katya’s
       character, and it was such a moment in her life. It was the
       same impetuous Katya who had thrown herself on the mer-

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