Page 936 - the-brothers-karamazov

and that doctor has been a long time in there. But perhaps
he’s examining the mamma and that poor crippled Nina. I
liked that Nina, you know. She whispered to me suddenly
as I was coming away, ‘Why didn’t you come before?’ And
in such a voice, so reproachfully! I think she is awfully nice
and pathetic.’
‘Yes, yes! Well, you’ll be coming often, you will see what
she is like. It would do you a great deal of good to know peo-
ple like that, to learn to value a great deal which you will find
out from knowing these people,’ Alyosha observed warmly.
‘That would have more effect on you than anything.’
‘Oh, how I regret and blame myself for not having come
sooner!’ Kolya exclaimed, with bitter feeling.
‘Yes, it’s a great pity. You saw for yourself how delighted
the poor child was to see you. And how he fretted for you
to come!’
‘Don’t tell me! You make it worse! But it serves me right.
What kept me from coming was my conceit, my egoistic
vanity, and the beastly wilfulness, which I never can get rid
of, though I’ve been struggling with it all my life. I see that
now. I am a beast in lots of ways, Karamazov!’
‘No, you have a charming nature, though it’s been dis-
torted, and I quite understand why you have had such an
influence on this generous, morbidly sensitive boy,’ Alyosha
answered warmly.
‘And you say that to me!’ cried Kolya; ‘and would you
believe it, I thought — I’ve thought several times since I’ve
been here — that you despised me! If only you knew how I
prize your opinion!’