Page 8 - Diane Musgrove Issue

Women of Distinction

it all! And we are three times meditation or quiet time, their own way and stop love with his family mem-
more likely not to advance social time with friends and worrying about the manner bers, whom I”ve adopted as
because we don’t get the family, journaling, playtime in which they do it.” my own sisters and cousins.
balance right. In addition, etc. “I learn a lot in dealing Dr. Romero spent her Dan and I always carve out
Fortune Magazine made the with my clients. I’m not just twenties getting her educa- a little time for intellectual
bold statement in their ed- helping them, but I learn a tion and credentials, and in exchange, playtime, and
itorial section in 2022 sug- lot about myself.” her late 20’s realized along intimacy and make a con-
gesting that we need to stop scious decision not to take
asking women how they our relationship for granted.
balance their professional Dan was a single dad
and personal roles because when I met him. We met
the truth is they don’t.” at a party in North County
She discussed the guilt San Diego and I had just
women often feel that they begun talking to this new
are not doing enough. We handsome man when he
struggle with the thoughts suddenly pulled out of pho-
that often pervade our to of his 2 year old daugh-
minds; you’re not spending ter announcing to me “I
enough time with your kids, am a package deal!” I was
you’re not spending enough shocked but also found it
time with your spouse, and endearing he was so com-
you’re not putting enough mitted to being a daddy
into your work. She finds it that he needed to announce
humorous that on the inter- to a woman whom he just
net “If you do an internet met who he may or may
search with either the terms not date what they may be
‘guilt and the working mom’ buying! Yet, we did lat-
or ‘guilt and the stay-at- er marry and I became a
home mom,’ the exact quote stepmom to the little girl in
comes up in response. The the photo named Rachel.
stay-at-home mom feels We gave birth to our son
guilty because she doesn’t Christopher several years
do enough. The working later. Parenting can be so
mom feels guilty because time consuming, chal-
she doesn’t do enough.” lenging and rewarding! It
Maybe we want to realize was my priority to spend
we can let go of some of that individual time with each
guilt! of them growing up. My
Dr. Romero says “I find daughter and I used to lay
it’s been important for me in bed looking at the ceil-
to keep balanced by no- ing, and she would share
ticing when I am putting Dr. Romero and her with some other female her thoughts and feelings. I
some new responsibility husband share household colleague, they had forgot- think it helped that I wasn’t
on my plate to remember duties, but she admits that ten to put some energy into looking at her so I wouldn’t
to take something off the for women, we often want finding partners. “Yet, who pass judgment. My son
plate! “ Also, Dr. Romero help but have a little more I would have picked in my is the one that taught me
has learned through her difficulty giving up control twenties might not have he could share anything
own experiences and now of how things are accom- been as wise a choice as the with me, but I didn’t get to
shares with her patients the plished. “I encourage my partner I chose in my early respond as a mom for 24
importance of developing female patients to let their thirties. My husband, Dan, hours. It was an excellent
our own list of “non-nego- partners help them. But that is a combat veteran with the idea because it meant I
tiables”, being things that means really letting go and philosophy ”If they are not could shut off that alarmed
are essential for our own not micromanaging every- shooting bullets, no need to voice and think about what
well-being and we are not thing even in our heads. stress “, and I have been told he told me before I reacted.
willing (or should not be That attitude has helped me that I can be a type A, so he I think it’s important we
willing) to give up. Non-ne- in parenting as well, letting is a good support and bal- listen to our inner dialog. It
gotiables may be exercise, go and letting them do it ance for me. I have fallen in is an inner tyrant and I need

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