Page 33 - San Diego Woman Anna Adams

POE TR Y FR OM DOM GA GLIARDI

Reflections from the Edge

From the highest ledge, I stare at my scrambled thoughts I never tested the talents of my true desire.
tossed in the muted chaos of the ocean’s muffled roar, I blindly trusted others to define my success.
while a stealthy wall of fog rolls in and then is caught, But what I chose brought out the best and sparked a fire
hoping to obfuscate the horizon’s elusive door. to satisfy the wants and needs of others, nonetheless.

Yet, I see it clearly, a taunting singular projection But forsaking the places I would have rather been
that lures me hypnotically to the other side, and dreaming only of what I could not see,
waiting to consume me in all my obsessions, became a rejection of all that was given,
where my festering thoughts reside. a strangling disappointment that grew inside of me.

How unexpected this life has been! This meandering search of self through a prism of lies
It has been nothing I could portend. has wrought much collateral damage,
This is not a statement of chagrin, broken hearts, broken family, broken ties,
but a question of life’s unpaid dividends. much of which cannot be salvaged.

Though it is deemed irrelevant to feel regret, And much beyond the comprehension of those who were hurt.
can’t one wonder of the possibilities, For it can never be so simple
and ponder the situations never met, as I attempt to allay the endless guilt
without being judged an exercise in futility? in a fool’s dream where the words are never ample.

Why is this search for my own joy an endless chase? We are the summation of our choices,
Is it just a ploy, a constant evasion? the property of our praxis,
My countless blessings never seem to end the race, but the control lies within the voices
while the source for my happiness needs constant persuasion. we dare to hear at each nexus.

It is the most devious of my demons, the one I fear most. The clash with my demons has diminished to a slow dance,
It is the one to which I will finally surrender, occasionally appearing in muffled churning waves
to forever consider myself unrealized is the ultimate cost both to tempt and joust me from the chance,
and the sorest of any human plunder. to one day capture the fulfillment I crave.

It is often easiest to be honest with others
than to own one’s foibles and flaws,
for all the lies will eventually smother
when the day of reckoning provides some pause. A Son’s Best Friend
It’s like reading a passage in a book You wanted me to be your friend
where soul-wrenching words hurt the worst. when I needed to be your dad.
You find yourself there with a startled look Your beguiling eyes and sweetest charms
in a bitter pill of irony that someone found you first. sometimes made that hard.
But this journey is almost at its end. Even though I needed to draw the line,
The discovered voice is no longer afraid to speak. I hoped one day you would see,
It spouts words honest and true that even may offend. that I was your friend all along
It’s no longer an expression of someone who is weak. and one day you’d be that friend to me.
And though I seek the tranquil comfort in being alone But the years have stolen the young boy I knew
have I become too unapproachable, and returned him as the man I barely know.
someone to avoid, irredeemable to the bone, In the sudden reversal of roles defined,
an empty shell of a man now more unbearable? I wish I could be the friend you tow.

For so long, I did what others expected, But the words between us are far and few,
allowing myself to be tethered to an unwanted leash, and our time together seems forced,
lost and tortured until my need to be resurrected while I wonder where you would rather be
forced me to face the lunging, hungry beast. to have our relationship exact this cost.

Is this why the search to find myself has been so long, Is it too much for a father to be a son’s best friend?
and was I too selfish when I cut the cord, Has he given it any thought?
changing my life’s path that was entirely wrong Or is this just the ramblings of an old man
while leaving others rudderless in a sea of discord? who never took the chance he caught?

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