Page 125 - FDCC Pandemic Book

Living in a Pandemic: A Collection of Stories on Coping, Resilience & Hope
I really wish I had done a better job of understanding Frank’s strengths and weaknesses – and my own. If I had, I think we could have developed a better relationship. So now, I’m trying to do better with my last shot. Thirteen years separate me and my younger brother, Chris. I am resolved to do better with my last familial relationship. Luckily, I’ve always been his idol (or so I tell myself). He also has three adorable young sons to whom my wife and I serve as pseudo-grandparents: “Oh, youwantthatlasertag??AuntJuliewillgetitforyou!” Wealsopracticelawatthe same firm and live less than a mile from each other. We already have a pretty good relationship and I am determined to maintain it. Hopefully, I don’t screw it up this time.
The final lesson that I’ve learned from Frank’s death is communication. I like to write and consider myself a pretty good writer. After Frank’s death, I wrote a couple of essays on social media discussing hydroxychloroquine and the 6% myth (suggesting that only 6% of COVID-reported deaths were “really” COVID). I received some truly cruel replies to those essays, including one claiming that my brother was intentionally killed by his hospital for profit.
Yet, for some reason, those comments really didn’t bother me. I realized that these people were either making statements without thinking about the pain they caused, or intentionally trying to cause pain. In either instance, nothing good would happen to me if I let loose with both barrels. Instead, I took some deep breaths and gave replies that essentially said: (1) you may be right; (2) I choose to believe differently, but appreciate your viewpoint; and, (3) what you said hurt me.
That third point is the tough one. But, it’s also the most effective. In my opinion, very few people in this world want to intentionally hurt another human being. Yet, in this digital age, it is easy to hurt somebody with an insult sent by e-mail, text or social media. Believe it or not, people don’t like reading that they might be a “socialist,” “fascist,” “libtard” or “deplorable.” For me, the easiest response to pain is to return that pain one-hundred-fold. I suspect most people have the same reaction.
But, one of my best friends taught me that restraint and communication are usually a better response. Letting another person know that they’ve caused you pain opens their eyes to their words and the situation. It also leads to better communication. I’m not perfect. I still lose my temper. But, I’m trying to do a better job of letting people know when they hurt me. And, it works. After Frank’s death, I have told several friends in COVID and non-COVID conversations that their words hurt. Those disclosures have invariably led to more-productive exchanges.
I haven’t said anything here that is new or earth-shattering. Hopefully, my lessons can simply serve as a reminder for you, dear reader, to focus on loving your family, building your relationships with them and communicating sincerely with everybody in your life.
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