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What if the mind’s criteria for feeling better emotionally are dependent on things we can’t
control?
Perhaps we want a promotion, or recognition at work. We can certainly do things to help our
case but we can’t force promotion or appreciation. Our mind now uses these external factors
as justifications to conclude that we are not as happy as we could be. We end up unhappy
because we can’t change external circumstances. If we don’t change the criteria in our mind
we miss our opportunity for happiness.

The pursuit of happiness has turned into a struggle to get recognized and promoted. Not
because it will really make us happier directly, but because our belief system has set the bar of
happiness at this height. We might very well get the promotion, a raise, and recognition only to
find out we are not filled with joy. Our pursuit of happiness has turned into a pursuit of
assumptions in our belief system. The problem here is that we accepted our false beliefs as
being true.

If we aren’t aware of how belief structures limit happiness we are likely to try and change
external factors in order to be happy. Trying to change factors we can’t control can lead to us
feeling frustrated and powerless.

To live in authentic happiness, we need to learn not to blindly chase the false beliefs in the mind.
We have to pay close attention to the end goal of emotion and not jump after the first idea the
mind offers as a means to get there. When we pursue happiness by satisfying the belief system,
we have taken our eye off the goal and become attached to assumptions, expectations and
beliefs in the mind.
A new car, new clothes, or losing 15 lbs is just a means to an emotion based on a belief. A belief
can change and then the emotion shifts. When you don’t have an understanding of your
beliefs, becoming happy is a moving target that is likely to get away from you.

Managing Our Expectations

You will have seen that unrealistic expectations can ruin your chances of ultimate happiness.

Our expectations, more than anything else in life, determine our reality. When it comes to
achieving our goals, if we don’t believe we’ll succeed, it’s almost certain we won’t.

People who believe in themselves use more metacognitive functions than those who don’t.
This means that they use more of their brains and have more brainpower to solve problems.
Metacognition is especially important for achievement as it ensures that you approach
problems from many different angles and adapt your approach as needed.
The tricky thing about our expectations is that they impact other people too. As far back as the
1960s, Harvard research demonstrated the power of our beliefs in swaying other people’s
behaviour. When teachers in the studies were told that certain (randomly selected) children
were smart, those kids performed better, not only in the classroom, but also on standard IQ tests.

Indeed, we get the most out of other people when we believe in them. This is what happens
because when we believe in someone: