Page 312 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 1st Draft 19_01_2020

Freedom from Need

The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can we
proceed effectively.

The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated. Through self-observation, we can determine in which situations we love unconditionally
and in which we are feeling "loving" with specific conditions.

Needing Security From Others

We look to others for security. We might seek security from our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, ministers, spiritual teachers or
others. We do feel love toward them, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct
our feelings of security or if they decide to leave or ignore us, will we still love them?

If our parents throw us out, will we still love them? Or is our love too tightly linked with the need for security? If, as parents we dream that our children will
become wealthy and popular, will we love them the same if they become beggars or anarchists? Some parents will, others will not.

In each instance where we feel our heart closing, we need to discover what we fear. Most frequently we lose our love when we fear that our security, self-
worth, freedom or pleasure are in danger. Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them steadily.

Society is responsible for much confusion in this area. We believe that if we love others, then we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our
world would fall apart if something happens to them. This isn’t love, it’s insecurity. This is a lack of awareness of our inner spiritual nature and our ability to
deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.

Needing Others for Pleasure

Our need for pleasure and affirmation can distort our experience of love. We create relationships that give us pleasure and affirmation as well as security. We
may be dependent upon the other for money, shelter, sex, travel, clothing, encouragement, compliments, humour, tasty food, a clean house, comforts, or even
his or her beauty.

Yet, if he or she stops providing these for us, or decides to provide them for someone else, do we carry on loving that person or do we feel hurt, disillusioned,
and overcome with feelings of injustice, anger and resentment? If the relationship revolves around the condition that "I will love you as long as you provide
my pleasure, happiness or excitement. If you stop, my feelings will change,” this is not true love, it is conditional love. Page312