Page 12 - HelpfulLivingOnline

Once you have been
and I had one of the best days of my life. Un-
fortunately, my nanna was unwell and passed
away a month after I got married, I was beyond survival mode and we sat down and worked
devastated. I was in hospital myself having had out what gambling had given him and made a
a lump removed from my throat and suffered
complications but I was able to get out and see hill. I could not escape the feeling of betrayal,
her the day before she died. I couldn’t cry due
to the hole in my throat but I was numb with
grief, my nana was like a mother to me, always
there, always supporting and never judging.
She was my rock.
Losing her inspired me to want a family of my
own. I had never considered having children,
after all I had been through as a child, but
losing my nanna changed that. Over the next
five years my husband and I had two beautiful
children, I adored being an attentive, nurturing
and supportive mum, I used my nanna and
step-grandad as role models and lavished at-
tention and love on them. I did the same with
my husband but things had changed, after the
birth of our first child we had difficulty with his
family. It took its toll on our relationship and by
the time our second child arrived, we were ok
but not 100%. Then he became more and more
distant. I felt he was being secretive and sus-
pected he was having an affair but something
inside of me feared more. I thought he was ill
and kept it from me. I did all I could to make
him happy, then one day when my son was 3
months and my daughter just turned 3 years
old, the truth came out, he had been gambling
in secret. He lost thousands of pounds, on one
12 | HELPFUL LIVING MAGAZINE
beaten by adults
as a child and
survived, it made
me fearless. But as
they punched and
kicked me I felt a
deep rage rising
inside me, I released
it and fought back
and that’s when
things changed.
horse. And it didn’t stop there, he ran up credit
card debt to the tens of thousands. I went into
plan to overcome it, but I started to go down-
I did not trust him and didn’t understand how
he could do what he had done. Not just to me
but to our children. I wanted to leave but I was
afraid he may be suicidal after doing some-
thing so bad so I tried to make things good for
everyone. I juggled the roles. I played the ‘Step-
ford wife’ role, tried to be “Super Mum”, lost
the baby weight, got fit to return to work, and
tried to start my own business for extra mon-
ey. In addition to making sure the bills were
paid, supported my husband all while studying
towards a psychology degree.
I wanted to give up.
I finally made the decision to separate. I felt
anguish over the decision. I felt as though I was
choosing my happiness over our children and
I did not know how or if I could cope. I felt so
alone, overwhelmed, tired and low, but I knew
I had to keep going and spinning the plates for
my children. I resumed studying for my psy-
chology degree, signed up for counselling, read
self-help books, and focused on my health.
Studying psychology has helped me see the
patterns I developed growing up. I noticed
Studying psychology has
helped me see the patterns
I developed growing up. I
noticed what I accept and
subconsciously am drawn to.
There are certain prototypes
of people I have to be aware
of and I continue to work
on that to this day. I have
used my life experience
paired with psychological
knowledge and training to
understand both the people
I have encountered in my
life and the situations I have
experienced myself.
what I accept and subconsciously am drawn personal pain. It’s all about setting clear and
to. There are certain prototypes of people I respectful boundaries for yourself, upholding
have to be aware of and I continue to work them and respecting the boundaries of others.
on that to this day. I have used my life expe-
rience paired with psychological knowledge I hope my story inspires you.
and training to understand both the people I Danielle Taylor
have encountered in my life and the situations
I have experienced myself. This has helped me
develop new styles of therapeutic strategies Contact information:
for many kinds of both perpetrators and vic- Instagram: @refresh_mentalwellbeing
tims of abuse. Facebook: Refresh Mind and Body Wellbeing
When I look back at my life I feel so far away
from the person I was. I feel as though I have
lived a thousand lives, but I have reached a
place where I am thankful for the experiences
I have lived through. My experience has pro-
vided major lessons for me and helped me
understand many of the dynamics of life. The
good thing is, I do not feel animosity towards
those who have hurt me in the past. I forgiven
and released them as a product of their own
pain. As for me, it has been more about learn-
ing that people’s behaviour towards you has
little to do with you and a lot to do with their
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