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anxiety. I was devastated to say the least. Howev-
er, what was even more shocking to find out was I was lethargic, moody, didn’t
that me being a kind and sweet person was the feel like getting dressed, and
cause of it. wigs had become my best friend
because I didn’t have energy to
It felt like a whirlwind of information all hitting do my hair. It felt like life was
me at one time, and none of it made any sense. over. I felt stuck in a World of
However, after several sessions with my ther- sadness and pain and did not
apist I discovered that the things that had me know how to get out of it.
feeling down were not things going on in my life
at all, it was the stress of taking care of everyone loved one you do not allow people to borrow
else. Taking care of people had caused me to for- money from you, etc. Boundaries are NEEDED
get about my dreams and my goals in life. Trying in order to maintain a relationship (intimate
to be the “strong” person in my family and circle or platonic). When boundaries are in place it
of friends meant that I had to be the emotional allows everyone involved to know what is
blanket for everyone any time their life was in acceptable and what is expected from them.
distress. When a family member needed money, Creating boundaries and keeping the bound-
I gave it; even if it were my last, if a friend need- aries you create is a game changer.
ed me I would be by their side, quick fast and in
a hurry. No questions asked. Meanwhile, I was 3. You are worth it
slowly suffering in silence. I never asked for help, You are worth saying no and having bound-
and when I did I often was let down by the same aries. Oftentimes we struggle to say “no” and
friends I had sacrificed for. It felt as if no one set boundaries with others because we feel
thought about me, and my needs. The only thing guilt or shame. You have nothing to feel guilty
they were concerned about is what they needed about. If you are anything like I was I am sure
from me. you have gave, gave, gave, and gave some

My life had always been like this, and I didn’t mean and heartless to me, especially if I was in a more. It is likely time for you to put yourself
know anything different. Finding out that the position to help someone. I never thought about first. Putting your needs first is NOT a selfish
very thing I was good at- taking care of others, myself. I always put myself in the other person’s act. It is a necessary one. Give yourself some of
had caused so much distress in my own life, left shoes and made comments to myself like “Tane- the love you are giving to everyone else.
me confused about how to move forward. Going shia, if it was you, you would want them to help 4. Rest
to therapy gave me tools to use to help put my- you” or “Taneshia, just do it this one time God
self first. I started attending support groups with will bless you”. The idea that I am constantly It is time for you to rest. Running around
other people that struggled with putting them- enabling other people and not allowing them to making sure all of your friends and family
selves first. Over time I was able to identify what learn life’s lessons never cross my mind. If this are taken care of is kind of you, but you can
I need and wanted and how to get it. Life felt sounds like you, practice saying “no” more. It is be honest with me, (I am a safe space) it can With Love,
worth living again and I could smile. If my story okay if you can’t help someone, and you definite- be exhausting. If you are fine with taking Taneshia Johnson xoxoxox
sounds familiar or similar to yours I want you to ly should never be helping anyone at the cost of care of everyone and you also take care of
know you are not alone. It took awhile for me to suffering in the long run. yourself. Great! Kudos to you and keep up the Find out more about me at
accept it was time to seek help, and it took even 2. Setting boundaries is a must. good work. However, if you find that you are www.tjselfcare.com
longer to learn how to live a life free of helping missing things you need to do for yourself like Facebook: TJselfcare
everyone and neglecting myself. Below I have Now this one may be more of a challenge for scheduling doctor’s appointments, pampering
added 4 tips I learned during my journey that you, and if it is don’t worry. If you can say “no” , yourself, or doing something fun, then it may Instagram: TJselfcare
will be helpful for you. setting boundaries will soon be easy too. (First be time to take a break from everyone else and Tumblir: TJselfcare
let me explain what a boundary is- in case your focus on you.
1. It is okay to say no. story is similar to mine and you don’t know what I hope this article has been helpful and healing Youtube: Taneshia Tjselfcare Johnson
It was a shock to me to discover that the word a boundary is) A boundary is a rule you put in to you. While on your journey to peace and
“no” is a full and complete sentence. I was a per- place to avoid feeling exhausted or drained by joy always remember, no one is more import-
son who wanted to save the World. Saying no others. Here are a few examples of boundaries: ant than you.
was almost impossible. Even the word “no” felt Letting loved ones know you do not answer your
phone after a certain time, telling a friend or
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