Page 46 - PENTHOUSE LETTERS 2018 Writer Of The Year Award Jim McCartan

MY MOST UNFORGETTABLE LAY Jim McCartan

INNS AND OUTS

At a bed-and-breakfast that caters to swingers,
everyone leaves their reservations at the door.

n a Thursday afternoon a local timber baron. Located just off a “Welcome, my dears!” she trilled. “You
about a year and a half major freeway in the Pacific Northwest, couldn’t have picked a more gorgeous
ago I drove down a long it’s situated a few miles from a big casino, day to visit.”
paved, driveway with my with several hotels and a convention We chatted awhile, but she said
Olongtime girlfriend, Kia, center nearby. nothing about swinger stuff. Jen and
sitting beside me. The closer we got, the Kia’s job is what had brought an Del had explained to us that Ella and
more it seemed we were traveling back opportunity for us to stay within this hub her husband, Phil, kept the sexier
in time a century or two. The blue and of activity. She works in hospitality, and a components of the place on the down
gold Victorian mansion we approached major trade convention was scheduled at low. The website billed the inn as “a place
was huge. Its multiple gables, scalloped the center that week. We live about 300 where loving couples can rekindle the
shingles and two enormous turrets shone miles away, but when we realized that flame.” That tended to keep families with
brightly in the sunlight. The house had the inn was located near the convention large broods away from the premises.
looked impressive on the inn’s website, Still, unsuspecting “vanilla” couples
but seeing it in person was something sometimes showed up at their doorstep.
else. Kia gestured toward the conifers Del stressed that discretion was the
lining the driveway. “HE LET GO name of the game. Yes, lusty shenanigans
“Those must be the yew trees they went on behind closed doors, but those
mentioned on the site,” she said. WITH A LOUD doors were made of heavy oak. The walls
“Oh, the trees are a thing?” were 99 percent soundproof. A full-tilt
“Duh, George. Didn’t you read the GUTTURAL orgy could be happening one suite over,
details online? There was a whole history SOUND AS HE but you’d likely never hear a peep.
there.” We’d hoped Jen and Del could join
“I was too busy thinking about the EXPLODED IN us that weekend, but they had family
history we’re gonna make,” I answered. obligations. Their daughter had a high-
Okay, straight up: Kia and I are HER PUSSY.” school speech tournament that week,
swingers. We’ve been in the scene for and they were signed up as drivers and
a decade, and we’re always looking for chaperones. “Another time,” they told us.
opportunities for new sexcapades. I’m an Our first afternoon was uneventful.
average Joe of 41. If people are attracted center, we made a plan: Kia would attend After we unloaded our things in a
to me, it’s because of my fun-loving a few meetings at the conference, and we commodious, beautifully appointed suite,
personality. Kia, though, is a stunningly would see what trouble we could find at we drove to the convention center. Kia
beautiful natural blonde of 34 with a trim, the inn after hours. registered for the conference, then we
athletic body. Lifestyle friends tolerate me. The large, ornate front door was checked out the casino for a half hour or
They adore Kia. propped open as we approached so and enjoyed cocktails and dinner. It
A few years ago, we began seeing ads the entrance. Inside we found the was late when we got back to the inn. We
for this inn. They popped up on lifestyle- establishment’s hostess, Ella, seated felt sexy in the huge bed with its luxurious
friendly sites. Then we began hearing behind a mahogany writing desk. Having linens. My tongue tickled Kia’s sweet clit,
about it from Jen and Del, a swinging seen her picture on the website, I then she reached for her vibrator and
couple we’ve been friends with for several recognized her immediately. She was a brought herself to a quiet orgasm. She
years. They lived only 50 miles from this cheerful, buxom blonde. Her fuzzy sky- sucked my cock for a while after that, but
spectacular Queen Anne-style bed- blue sweater showcased her curviest I was just too sleepy. We both drifted off
and-breakfast. Del described its elegant attributes. She was well into her 60s, but into contented slumber.
rooms, immaculately landscaped grounds still a knockout. About 6 a.m., I remember vaguely
and endless opportunities for naughty “We’re Kia and George,” I said. “We hearing Kia’s alarm, followed by the
fun. The inn had once been the home of spoke with you on the phone.” sounds of her showering, dressing and

44 Penthouse Letters