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strict reminder – don’t move. I was expecting something soothing After much contemplation, I decided to inform my patients of my
like classical or elevator music. But what do I hear? Gloria condition. I think some of them began to suspect something was
Estefan belting out “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You”! They had wrong when I started cancelling appointments at the last minute
me listening to a local rock station with music that makes you and took days off with very little advance notice. Not my usual
want to jump up and dance - for 45 minutes! Seriously?? behavior. Rather than have speculations and rumors run amok, I
decided to go with total transparency with my patients. To be
4) Choose to live. honest, I was absolutely terrified. Some of my colleagues
I am not going to sugarcoat it. It wasn’t easy. There were good thought it was a bad idea. I thought my patients would leave my
days and bad days. Everyone reacts to cancer treatment differ- practice in droves – surely, they didn’t need this inconvenience. I
ently. There were days when I felt fine, especially when they could almost picture my practice – my wonderful practice that I
mixed steroids into my chemo. I felt like I could run a marathon worked so hard to build for 20 years – crumble to pieces. But I
and do push-ups with one hand. Then there were days when I was felt my patients deserved to know the truth. Their health and
a just a sobbing mess of misery where I couldn’t do anything well-being should not suffer just because mine did.
except curl into a ball and desperately pray that it passes soon. In
addition, there are the emotional and psychological factors you I wrote a simple letter explaining the situation, how there would
have to deal with as well. When the life you worked so hard for be changes in my office hours, and how my very capable col-
is taken from you; when your hair falls away in clumps into your leagues would be there to assist them when I wasn’t there. It was
hands; when pain, misery, and fear keeps you awake at night and emailed to most of my patients. The response was immediate.
you feel so absolutely alone, sometimes the unthinkable passes My wonderful patients sent me support, prayers, and well wishes
through your mind. That’s when I prayed and kept repeating to via letters, cards, and emails. They sent me flowers, books, and
myself, “This too shall pass. This too shall pass.” In my darkest homemade soups. Many hoped that I receive the kind of care and
hours – and many cancer survivors tell me they all had these attention I gave to my patients. Best. Compliment. Ever. Their
defining moments - I chose to fight. I chose to live. response was so full of generosity and understanding, it left me in
tears. I tell you, aside from cancer, I never felt so thankful and
5) Be honest with yourself and those you love. blessed in my entire life.
One of the toughest things I had to do was tell my family and
friends that I had cancer. Not an easy task. Here you are, trying 6) Try to maintain normalcy.
to deal with all this, now you have to deal with how everyone else For me, surgery wasn’t too bad. I had a lumpectomy where my
is reacting to the news as well. At first, it felt like a wound that surgeon removed about 4 cm of tissue (2 cm of tumor and enough
kept opening up again and again, each time I told someone. But clean border around it to ensure its complete removal). I took 10
then it got a little easier and easier until I was finally able to buck days off and returned to work once I could lift my left arm with-
up my courage to tell my parents. Initially, I thought they took out pain. Then came the chemo. At first, it wasn’t too bad but
the news really well. then it got progressively worse after each infusion. I received
treatment every 2 weeks and each infusion took about 4-5 hours.
“Don’t worry! So and so’s friend had it and now she is running We decided to have a mediport placed right below my right clav-
marathons.” icle rather than risk infusion via veins in my arm. Apparently, the
“Everyone seems to get it nowadays. It’s not like the old days. chemo was so toxic, if any of it leaked from the blood vessels to
They can cure these things – no problem!” the muscles in my arm, I could kiss my dental career goodbye. It
meant another “procedure” to place and remove the mediport, but
I was so relieved and proud they took the news so well. That is it was well worth it. In addition, after consulting with my doctors,
until I started getting texts from my dad at 3:00am and my fridge I decided to continue working during my treatments. The days
ran out of room as my mom kept cooking non-stop. My dad also immediately following chemo were always bad but I felt better
caught the “internet-itis” like I did and kept coming up with these after 3-4 days. But due to fatigue and other side effects, I cut my
weird remedies to cure cancer – some of which included eating hours drastically and worked 4-5 hours a day. It was my saving
boiled onions to drinking black coffee with cinnamon and vine- grace. It kept me sane, hopeful, and useful to have a little nor-
gar – and yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds. But I quickly put malcy back in my life. I think it also helped those around me feel
an end to all these cure-alls. better to see me this way. Granted, I couldn’t teach or do other
strenuous activities where there are lots of people around due to
Truth is, family and friends love you and they want to help. But my compromised immune system. But I tried to keep my life as
I knew there would be days when I couldn’t eat or days when I normal as possible, did a lot of walking, and spent time with my
just needed to be by myself and not have to put up a brave front family and friends as much as I could.
for everyone. So before the treatments started, I prepped my fam-
ily. I told my mom that as much as I love her cooking, there 7) Make sure you have insurances.
would be days when I just could not eat due to nausea. My oncol- It should come as no surprise that one of the biggest concerns I
ogist gave me four different kinds of anti-nausea medicines, one had was finances when I was diagnosed. I was a single woman,
of which was a suppository(!) in case I couldn’t keep the pills living in Manhattan, with a mortgage, and I refused to be a bur-
down. (Thank goodness I didn’t have to use any of those!) I also den to anyone. Thank goodness I had my medical and disability
knew it was hard for my family, but I asked them to respect my insurances! Looking at my medical bills almost made me go into
wishes to be by myself when the side effects from chemo were at cardiac arrest! Thank goodness I had my health insurance!
their worst. I did not want them to worry and feel helpless when Disability insurance was something I signed up for when I was a
nothing can be done except to wait and ride it out. resident and often wondered if it was worth keeping as the pre-
mium increased a little each year. But thank goodness I kept it!
My family and friends were absolutely amazing throughout this Initially, I didn’t even think about applying. I had a little savings
whole ordeal and their support and love meant the world to me. and thought that would help me through. Lucky for me, my
But support also came from unexpected places. insurance rep from Northwestern Mutual followed up on my sta-
www.nysagd.org | Spring 2017 | GP 14