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it actually renders it more stringent as the Rambam (Hilchos Issurei
B’’ah, 22,12) writes clearly, as does the Shulchan Aruch which writes
(Even Ha’ezer, 23,8):“If he is familiar with her, such as if she grew up
with him or she is his relative, he should not seclude himself with her
even when her husband is in town.” The words “grew up with him”
clearly mean that he raised her in his home.

“They [i.e. parents and their adopted opposite gender children] are
also absolutely forbidden from engaging in all other signs of affection
like hugging, kissing and the like, whose prohibition is derived from
the passuk,“Do not draw close [i.e. to forbidden relations]” (Vayikra,
18,6), which is one of the halachos that a person must forfeit his life
rather than transgress.

“Now, the following halachah is mentioned explicitly by the
poskim, as alluded to above – the practice in Klal Yisrael used to be
that people were careful not to allow the names of an adopted child’s
real parents to become forgotten. This is clear from the comments
of our teacher, the author of Agudah (maseches Sotah, 31, and see
ibid. Notes and Elucidations,16). Those whose parentage could not
be clarified were referred to as assufi (an abandoned child) or shtuki
(a child of obscure lineage). Nowadays [though], in our many sins,
adoptive parents try to ensure that the children forget their [biolog-
ical] parents’ names. Besides concern about their engaging in those
forbidden practices that are accessories to forbidden relations, such
as the prohibitions of hugging, kissing and seclusion [arising from the
children’s not realizing that they are not related to their adoptive par-
ents], there is additional concern of imminent and grave danger. This
danger is stated by the gemara (Yoma 18b, Yevamos 37b) as follows:
“Rabbi Eliezer ben Yaakov says,‘A person should not marry a woman
in one country and then go and marry a woman in another country
lest they meet up [i.e. his son born in one country and his daughter
born in the other country] resulting in a brother marrying his sister,
filling the world with mamzerus,’ may G-d protect us. In light of this,
I issue a warning to anyone adopting a son or daughter not to allow
the names of their real parents to be forgotten.

“Based on all the above, it is urgent that all who are involved in the

238 1 Medical-Halachic Responsa of Rav Zilberstein