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hours, I finally fall asleep.

A few days later, Mary comes home with her son. Her sisters accompany her, along with her
father. One of her sisters comes to my apartment to let me know that every thing went fine and asks
if I want to come up to see Anthony. I tell her that I would love to. I actually do want to.

I get up there and greet every one, and then I see Mary holding her son, Anthony. She holds him
out to me and gives me the chance to hold him. I take him, and I swear I have no idea what's going
on. Every one is just smiling, the baby is just silent. It's like one of my bizarre silent dreams.

Even though Anthony fought to stay alive, there is a good chance he will have developmental
problems. Holding Anthony reminds me of a dream I had where I learn that you don't need religion
to be a good person. You just simply need to come face to face with the evil in the world. Think of
it as Newton's third law, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A lady gets raped
and a year later she opens up a support group for women who have been raped.

After a while I leave her apartment and go back to mine. I go to my bedroom and go to the window
and look down the street, thinking of Mary and her transformation. Wondering if the light of
Anthony can keep her warm and calm. Now the Sun has my attention and I stare at it through the
window for a while. I'm staring at the Sun, mom. I lift up my window and get rid of the glass that
protects my eyes from the Sun, and then I really stare it.

As I'm staring at it, I think of my childhood and how every time I'd look up at the sky my mother
would tell me not to stare at the Sun. I listened and looked back down even if I was actually staring
at the clouds and not the Sun.

You find yourself staring at the Sun for too long and you start to compare where you are mentally
now as opposed to where you were mentally as a child. You slowly begin to realize that the Sun is
the same, in a relative way, but you're older. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.