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Regardless of if it was something good or something bad.

He says that while we are alive, we shouldn't care about who we want to become, we should care
about who we will have been when we die. What we did or said in our lifetime, that's what will stay
in the hearts, minds and dreams of others even after we are gone.

Now Jesus and I are walking again, and it feels like we have been walking for miles. I ask him how
much further we have to go, and he asks me if I'm asking him how much further do we have to go,
or if I'm asking him how far we have gone, and then I woke up. After I woke up I thought about the
dream. I thought about when my brother was feeding the poor, how he looked in my direction and
didn't see me. How I couldn't move at that moment.

I wonder if I was only there philosophically, in his mind. I wonder if he was remembering the
things I told him. And then I start to think about how he could see me through the crowd. I wonder
if at that point he could see me, as if this time I were actually alive. Physically able to walk on
Earth, and as he's walking away from me, I'm trying to tell him to share his food.

It's as if I'm trying to tell him this so that when the time comes, he will feed those people, and he
won't just leave them to die. It's as if I want him to remember these words I'm telling him even after
I've died. It doesn't matter if someone is alive, existing physically, because we still may not listen
to them or even bother to hear them out, and it doesn't matter if someone is dead, existing
philosophically, because we will remember them. Remember the things they taught us, the things
they said and the things they did for us.

So I guess even if you're alive, you may not be able to change the world or even someone's life; you
just might have to die first. I start to think about what Jesus said, "who we will have been when we
die." If I died tomorrow, who will I have been?

Chapter 13:
LESS THAN MORE THAN EQUAL TO

It seems as if no matter how far you travel, people are alike all over. The culture may change, the
language may change, the things they do for recreation may change, but the basic human behaviors
and instincts, they remain the same.

In every corner of the world, there are those who take less than what they need, and then there are
those who take more than what they need. People who believe in non-violence and those who
believe in violence. Those who give and those who steal, and some who do both. I visited a few
different countries two years ago and that was what I noticed. I realized that no matter how far you
travel, people never change. No matter how far away you try to get from it, the damn thing is
always there.

Eleven months ago, I had a dream where I was living in this run-down apartment building in a city
located in a desert. I was laying on my bed, and I looked to the right to see a glaring stream of light
coming from the window. I got up from my bed and looked out of the window. I looked out and
saw a world where people weren't alike all over. After such a long time of searching, I finally
found the peaceful place I was looking for.