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The pilot moves the helicopter a bit closer to the ground and as he's doing this there is a big
automobile crash on a road below. A small problem in a large system. Now the pilot is bringing the
helicopter even lower so we can check it out, and then I wake up. I remember in another dream I
had when we finally land, we see a lifeless body on a sidewalk near where the crash took place. I
can't help but think about Joe's crash. I picture Joe's lifeless body lying on that pavement the same
way he is lying here on this hospital bed. Who is this man who lays here sleeping? Who is the man
who lays there dead in my dream? Who is that woman that lays in my bed in my dreams and never
shows me her face?

Chapter 15:
THIS FISHEYE VIEW

I pick a random composition notebook and take it down from off the shelf. This one is dated from
two years ago. Now I flip to a random page, to a random dream, but what exactly is random? If you
stuck an invisible magnet on one side of a die and then rolled the die on a floor that would attract
the magnet, you can get the die to always land on four, or any specific number that you want, every
time. We have applied a specific circumstance or force, the magnet, to the event, rolling the die,
which will give us the same output every time.

Now we remove the magnet and then roll the die five times, we will usually get different outputs.
While this may seem random, there are still circumstances and forces at work, such as strength and
gravity, but if we can manipulate these circumstances and forces we can get the output we want
every time. So considering these elements, true random may be the absence of any circumstances
and forces whatsoever. No influences at all.

The dream that I end up reading is a dream about judgment. In the dream I am standing before
God, and he asks me why he should let me into Heaven. There was a day when I was younger and
my mother came to pick me up from school, and in the car I ask my mother what Hell is. She looks
at me for a moment, as if she is trying to determine whether I will understand or not, and then she
tells me that when we die, we are either sent to Heaven or to Hell.

I ask her what these two places are, and she tells me that Heaven is a happy place where the good
people go, and Hell is a sad place where the bad people go. She tells me that the only one who can
decide where we go, the only one who can judge us, is God, because God is good.

She tells me never to judge another person because no matter how good we may think we are, there
is still that chance that we can become that bad person we are judging later in life. This bad
politician who benefits financially from the murder of thousands of people, he could just have
easily have been the good general who saves these thousands of lives, if only the circumstances
and the forces in his life were different. But we must also consider that in the change of these
circumstances and forces, this general could become the politician.

I tell God that I lived my life the best way I knew how, and I tried to be a decent person. I told him
he could accept me for who I am, but that I wasn't going to beg him to let me into Heaven. He looks
at me for at least a minute, judging me, and then he tells me to start walking. I begin to walk and as
I'm walking there is a light that gets brighter and brighter, brighter and brighter and then pitch
black, and then I wake up.