Page 41 - www.composition1.com

When a soldier kills another soldier, it's not because they know each other. It's because the other
one looks different. Talks a different way. Is a different race. Has a different uniform. If someone
murdered Joe because he was a homosexual, that person is murdering him because he thinks he
knows who Joe is, when really a person's sexual preference doesn't tell you who that person is. It's
just as useless as the way someone looks or the way someone talks. Difference is murder.

I'm thinking about Joe, and the thought that runs through my mind is that homosexuality may be
literally wrong, in the sense that one plus one equals three is wrong, but homosexuality is not
morally wrong, in the sense that murdering another human being is wrong.

However, many people will say that that the normalization of homosexuality opens the door to the
normalization of incest, bestiality and the many other lifestyles we have yet to conceive.

Chapter 23:
THE CITY OF ANGELS

The anthology complex. It's a disease. A psychological build-up of fiction. I have to know that
there is a better life out there than this one. There are people who write down their dreams, it's
nothing unusual, but the degree to which I have taken it has been from a habit to a lifestyle. An
obsession and an addiction. These are the words of a therapist I was suggested to see many years
ago. "I did what I could." Those are the last words of a dying writer.

Years ago I had a dream where I was in an apartment on a very tall building. I was on the balcony
overlooking an entire city. If you looked down from it you could see all the people below you, they
looked like ants. A plane flies by and it has one of those advertisement banners attached to it.
"Welcome to the city of angels." Los Angeles.

I go back into the apartment and on my bed there is a shotgun there waiting for me. Just like most
of us have a dominant hand or a dominant foot, we have a dominant eye, and in the Bible it says if
your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off, if your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. My
question is what if your entire life is dominantly evil.

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with the shotgun pressed against my chin. My right hand starts to
shake. Do it. Just kill yourself. It starts to shake even more and the shotgun is slowly rising up on a
surface it calls home, my face. Pull the trigger. Just do it.

I see my mother's face and for a second I am aware that I am dreaming, but as soon as I realize this
the shotgun slips and goes off at a weird angle, and then it's just darkness and silence.

Lots of times after we wake up from dreaming we may remember more than one dream, as if there
were two or more parts to the dream, and these dreams were connected by an intermission, even
though they don't always relate. A black silence. This is what the silence and the darkness felt like,
then later I found myself still alive laying on the cold floor of a hospital building with my entire
lower face missing. I'm in so much pain but I can't yell because I have no mouth. I guess I'll be
doing alot more thinking than talking now.