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that you know your ethics and values are not the same as the people you work with and ask a boss or
a mentor whether it’s fixable. If they say yes, contact everyone you think you’ve alienated and see
how they respond. Tell them the things you’re going to do differently. Ask them if the situation can be
repaired. Longer-term, you need to seek some professional counsel on your values and ethics.

3. Unpredictable? Be consistent across situations and groups. You might just be inconsistent in
your value stances and actions. You change your mind based on mood or who you talked with last.
That may confuse and bother people. You may express a pro people value in one instance (people
you manage) and an anti people value in another (people from another unit). You may rigidly adhere
to a high moral code in one transaction (with customers) and play it close to the acceptable margin in
another (with vendors). You may match your values with your audience when managing up and not
when you’re managing down. You may play favorites. People are more comfortable with consistency
and predictability. Look for the three to five areas where you think these inconsistencies play out.
Write down what you did with various people so you can compare. Did you do different things in
parallel situations? Do you hold others to a different standard? Do you have so many values positions
that they have to clash? Do you state so few that people have to fill in the blanks with guesses? Try to
balance your behavior so that you are more consistent across situations.

4. Sending mixed messages? Avoid “do as I say, not as I do” behavior. Another possibility is that
there is a sizable gap between what you say about your ethics and values and what the ethics and
values of others should be and what you actually do in those same situations. Many people get
themselves in trouble by giving motivating values and ethics speeches, high-toned, passionate,
charismatic, gives you goose bumps—until you watch that person do the opposite or something quite
different in practice. Examine all the things you tend to say in speeches or in meetings or casual
conversations that are values and ethics based. Write them down the left side of a legal pad. For
each one, see if you can write three to five examples of when you acted exactly in line with that value
or ethic. Can you write down any that are not exactly like that? If you can, it’s the gap that’s the
problem. Either stop making values and ethics statements you can’t model or bring your values into
alignment with your own statements.

5. Muddled values? Get clarity about your values. You may not think in terms of values much, and
your statements may not clearly state your values. To pass the test of a thoughtfully held value, you
should be able to state it in a sentence and give five examples of how it plays out—both the situation
and consequences. State what is the opposite of the value—what is dishonesty, for example—and
demonstrate how you follow the value. Since you are having trouble in this area, it may be a good
exercise to try to capture your value system on paper so you can practice delivering a clear statement
of it to others. If you ignore obvious values implications, people may assume you don’t care.

6. Time to change? Thoughtfully and intentionally adopt values and ethics. Remember, behavior
is 10 times more important than words. What values do you want? What do you want your ethics to
be? Write them down the left-hand side of the page. I want to be known as a fair manager. Then
down the right side, what would someone with that value do and not do? Wouldn’t play favorites.
Would offer everyone opportunities to grow and develop. Would listen to everyone’s ideas. Would call
for everyone’s input in a staff meeting. Would apportion my time so everyone gets a piece of it. Hold
everyone to the same standards. Have someone you trust check it over to see if you are on the right
track. Then start to consistently do the things you have written on the right-hand side.

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