Page 11 - Toast of the Remote Hosts

Party Etiquette for a Videoshindig
Emily Post in the Twenty-First Century sounds like the worst SNL sketch ever, but there are still a few social niceties we should continue to observe, even as we slide inevitably into a beastial New Dark Age.
Promptness counts. For guests, joining late is fine, though not so late you force the party into overtime. For you, sorry but
a host has gotta be on time, or even early, to open the line. Ah, thems were the days, when you could buzz friends and strangers into your place just out of the shower, wrapped in a towel.
Introductions are the most important duty of a host. It is simple courtesy to greet each guest as they check in, and to make sure everyone is acquainted. Of course, those elaborate protocols about who presents to whom, and do you address the boyfriend of the bishop as Your Grace, are out the window
in today’s indolent sweatpant-wearing dystopia, but that’s no excuse not to make sure we all know everyone’s name, rank and serial number. On the other hand, politeness needn’t be stuffy. Try spicing things up with an outrageous lie about a newcomer. “Thelma once ate an entire birthday cake in Macy’s window!”
You may find yourself having to steer the conversation, either to keep the rhetorical ball in the air, or away from nasty topics like politics or the Grim Reaper. Or worse, the Grim Reaper’s politics.
Have some canned topics to keep things moving and avoid those awkward pauses. If you are hosting a weekly powwow (and you should), as quarantine drags on and on people find they have less to talk about because they aren’t doing much of anything. Dead air is the result. Stock topics will help spark conversation. What are you drinking? is our standard gambit. This should eat up some time with swapping recipes, a panel discussion on the merits of different brands of the sauce, and can spill over into