Page 13 - Toast of the Remote Hosts

show-and-tell close-ups of cocktail shakers, glassware and nov- elty barware collections that have been clogging your cabinets.
Some more tinder for a conversational bonfire: What is your current project? It might be practical crafts, like cooking or baking, or witchcraft, like raising a sourdough starter from the dead. What are you reading or (more probably) watching? Did you go to any protests this week? It’s good to hear from people living in different neighborhoods and even countries, who like balladeers can relate tales from the world outside. When reality fails you, as it must, try stating emphatically some nonsense
to spark controversy. But no conspiracy theories, they warrant automatic ejection. Something like you think dogs should be allowed to smoke pipes in public.
A good way of stimulating the conversation is to play talk show host. A few minutes interviewing may get even long-time pals to spill new stories. Invite one or two of your nosiest friends and you can sit back and let the revelations flow.
A steady hand on the tiller may be required when a bona- fide windbag starts on a long, rambling, and ultimately boring tangent. Try to recognize what is happening and nip it in the bud. Some are naturally prone to this behavior and it won’t take long to smoke them out, so be on your guard.
The last important skill in your arsenal as host is shutting the whole thing down. Some guests, very sensibly, will have no problem telling you they’ve had enough and checking themselves out. “WiFi trouble” is a standard excuse; “my food’s here” is good, too. As the weeks crawl on, the french leave becomes more acceptable. Some of the gang, out of perhaps misplaced polite- ness, will look to you to end the party. Never beat around the bush when you think it’s time. Just don your plastic TV host grin again, thank the guests, mention next week’s show and wave goodbye. If people won’t take a hint, post the flag to the screen and play the national anthem. Most of your guests will be yearn- ing for sweet release as the party drags on and will thank you for pulling the plug.