Page 9 - Toast of the Remote Hosts

Organizing Your Remote Cocktail Party
Invitations are the first order of business. These will likely be a reliably charmless email rather than fancy calligraphy on your finest stationery. Expect the resulting thread of responses to devolve into a swamp of snappy comebacks to somebody’s wisecracks three messages previous. The most important thing
is tell people when they should show up. Choose a time that you know will be perfect for all of your guests, and since this will be impossible, just pick a time when you’re not busy and sure to be thirsty. Have a heart and give a thought to your neighbors and roommates. They are stuck in quarantine-land too, and what’s worse, stuck next to you. Schedule your bacchanals for a reason- able hour, and keep the gunplay to an absolute minimum.
In contrast to a real-life frolic, at the remote cocktail party, clock-watching is encouraged. Keep a specific time frame in mind. In person, a party can expand and contract as people come and go, but when you’re locked in a box on a computer screen with the same four-six-eight guests with no ability to mix and mingle, you can feel trapped. In our experience, two hours at a virtual cocktail party is the outside limit of anyone’s patience.
Refreshments have always been the cornerstone of hospitality, but that was in the Before Times. Now it’s just you at the trough, snacks can be anything from what’s in the fridge that’s mold-free to exquisite tidbits from the fancy market. Or bake something special to delight yourself. Knock yourself out — you are the only one you can impress.
Music is another element that once upon a time was make-or-break and now doesn’t matter one bit. In fact, music at any volume will probably sound like an underwater cacophony.