Page 236 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

'It's a great party,' I said. 'Thanks for inviting me.'

He stared at me for a moment. 'Oh, I didn't,' he said. 'My mother invited you.
Anyway. Must see to the, er, placement. Very much enjoyed your Lewisham fire
station report, by the way,' and he turned and strode upstairs, dodging between
the diners and excusing himself while I reeled. Humph.

As he reached the top of the stairs, Natasha appeared in a stunning gold satin

sheath, grabbing his arm possessively and, in her haste, tripping over one of the
candles which spilled red wax on the bottom of her dress. 'Fack,' she said. 'Fack.'

As they disappeared ahead I could hear her telling him off. 'I told you it was
ridiculous spending all afternoon arranging candles in dangerous places for

people to fall over. Your time would have been far better spent ensuring that the
placement was . . . '

Funnily enough, the placement turned out to be rather brilliant. Mum was
sitting next to neither Dad nor Julio but Brian Enderby, whom she always likes
to flirt with. Julio had been put next to Mark Darcy's glamorous fifty-five-year-
old aunt, who was beside herself with delight. My dad was pink with pleasure at
sitting next to a stunning Faye Dunaway look-alike. I was really excited. Maybe
I would be sandwiched between two of Mark Darcy's dishy friends, top
barristers or Americans from Boston, perhaps. But as I looked for my name on

the chart a familiar voice piped up beside me.

'So how's my little Bridget? Aren't I the lucky one? Look, you're right next to

me. Una tells me you've split up with your feller. I don't know! Dun! When are
we going to get you married off?'

'Well I hope, when we do, I shall be the one to do the deed,' said a voice on
my other side. 'I could do with a new vimper. Mmm. Apricot silk. Or maybe a

nice thirty-nine-button souterne from Gamirellis.'

Mark had thoughtfully put me between Geoffrey Alconbury and the gay vicar.

Actually, though, once we all got a few drinks down us conversation was by