Page 288 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

progress).

Repeatedly distracted by 'Stocking Filla' catalogs tumbling out of the
newspapers. Particularly keen on the shield-shaped burnished metal 'funfur'-
lined Spectacles Holder stand: 'All too often spectacles are put down flat on a
table, inviting an accident.' Couldn't agree more. The sleekly designed 'Black

Cat' Key-Chain Light does indeed have a simple flip-down mechanism, as it
'casts a powerful red light on the keyhole of any cat lover.' Bonsai Kits! Hurrah.
'Practice the ancient art of Bonsai with this tub of preplanted Persian Pink Silk
Tree shoots.' Nice, very nice.

Cannot help but feel sad about the brutal trampling on the pink silk shoots of
romance burgeoning between me and Mark Darcy by Marco Pierre White and
my mother, but trying to be philosophical about it. Maybe Mark Darcy is too
perfect, clean and finished off at the edges for me, with his capability,
intelligence, lack of smoking, freedom from alcoholism, and his chauffeur-
driven cars. Maybe it has been decreed that I should be with someone wilder,

earthier and more of a flirt. Like Marco Pierre White, for example, or, just to
pick a name totally at random, Daniel. Hmmm. Anyway. Must just get on with
life and not feel sorry for self.

Just called Shazzer, who said it has not been decreed that I must go out with
Marco Pierre White and certainly not with Daniel. The only thing a woman
needs in this day and age is herself. Hurrah!

2 a.m. Why hasn't Mark Darcy rung me? Why? Why? Am going to be eaten by
Alsatian despite all efforts to the contrary. Why me, Lord?