Page 325 - Ray Dalio - Principles

starts with knowing what your weaknesses are and staring hard
at them. Start by writing down your mistakes and connecting
the dots between them. Then write down your “one big

challenge,” the weakness that stands the most in the way of
your getting what you want. Everyone has at least one big
challenge. You may in fact have several, but don’t go beyond
your “big three.” The first step to tackling these impediments
is getting them out into the open.

3.4 Remember to reflect when you

experience pain.

Remember this: The pain is all in your head. If you want to
evolve, you need to go where the problems and the pain are.

By confronting the pain, you will see more clearly the
paradoxes and problems you face. Reflecting on them and
resolving them will give you wisdom. The harder the pain and
the challenge, the better.

Because these moments of pain are so important, you
shouldn’t rush through them. Stay in them and explore them so
you can build a foundation for improvement. Embracing your

failures—and confronting the pain they cause you and others
—is the first step toward genuine improvement; it is why
confession precedes forgiveness in many societies.
Psychologists call this “hitting bottom.” If you keep doing this
you will convert the pain of facing your mistakes and
weaknesses into pleasure and “get to the other side” as I

explained in Embrace Reality and Deal with It.

a. Be self-reflective and make sure your people are self-reflective. When
there is pain, the animal instinct is flight-or-fight. Calm
yourself down and reflect instead. The pain you are feeling is
due to things being in conflict—maybe you’ve come up
against a terrible reality, such as the death of a friend, and are

unable to accept it; maybe you’ve been forced to acknowledge
a weakness that challenges the idea you’d had of yourself. If
you can think clearly about what’s behind it, you will learn
more about what reality is like and how to better deal with it.