Page 21 - Direct Publishing - Bereavement Guide

Funeral Etiquette Sign the register book - the family will keep the Dont’s: • Appetite changes. You may or may not

register book as a memento for years. Be sure Bring your cell phone - your phone ringing will feel hungry.
Like everything in society, funeral etiquette to include your full name and relationship to be highly inappropriate and will cause a distur- • Feelings of anxiousness. You may feel
and what is expected of you has evolved over the deceased. bance, so turn any ringers or notifications off. worried and excited at the same time; like
time. As always, common sense and good Even better, leave your phone at home or in your heart is racing and you cannot catch
discretion is the best guide to proper funeral Give a gift - you don’t need to go overboard your car, a funeral is not the time to be texting your breath.
etiquette. Here are a few do’s and dont’s of with your gift, after all it is the thought that or checking your messages. • Feelings of emptiness. You may feel
funeral etiquette. counts. Suitable gifts include; flowers, a dona- hollow inside. It may be hard to concen-
tion to charity of the family’s choice, or you Allow your children to be a distraction - from a trate or remember things.
Do: can make a commitment of service to the family very young age children are aware of death and • Feeling out-of-control. You may feel
Express your condolences - it’s not easy to at a later date. A commitment of service can be if the funeral is for someone that was close to helpless, angry or frightened.
come up with the words to offer sympathy to something as simple as cooking them dinner, or them (grandparent, aunt, uncle) they should be
someone who has just lost a loved one. You offering to clean up their house, any of the given the option to attend. However, if it is not All of these feelings are normal. Your whole
don’t need to be a poet, simply saying some- “little” things that may be neglected while a appropriate for your child to be there and if you world has changed. You cannot bring the person
thing like, “I am sorry for your loss, my family deals with death. Make sure you provide feel they will cause a commotion, leave them back or change the situation. It is natural to feel
thoughts and prayers are with you and your a signed card so the family knows who gave the with a babysitter. vulnerable. Through information, we gain a
family,” is enough. If you can’t be at a funeral gift. sense of understanding. Through understand-
in person, sending a card or leaving a message Be afraid to remember the good times - funerals ing, we gain a sense of control.
on a memorial website is a perfect way to Keep in touch - you may feel that the family are obviously a time of grieving and mourning,
express your sympathy. needs their space and time to grieve, but a but remembering the good times helps with the Seek out information about grief, everyon
simple phone call or note after the funeral lets healing process. Sharing a funny and appropri- greives differently. Our cultural and religious
Dress appropriately - gone are the days of the family know you care. With social network- ate story is acceptable, and, in some cases experiences, the circumstances of the death and
dressing up in all black for a funeral, but jeans ing leaving a quick note is as simple as a click exactly what the deceased would have wanted. our relationship with the person who died influ-
and a t-shirtisn’t exactly acceptable either. You of a mouse. The months following a death is ence our reactions to grief. If someone dies
should still dress to impress and avoid any when grieving friends and family need the most Overindulge - if food or drink is served, do not after a long illness, there may be a momentary
bright or flashy colors. Wearing what you support. over do it. Have a bite to eat before you go to relief that the pain is over. If a death is a sudden
would wear for a wedding or a job interview the service, you do not want to be that guy and unexpected, shock and a feeling of numb-
would be the most appropriate. parked at the snack table. If alcohol is served, ness may occur. If a young person dies there is
limit yourself to one or two, do not become a sense that things are out of order and that life
inebriated and risk doing something inappro- is not the way it is supposed to be.
priate.
What can you do

Understanding Grief Acknowledge and express your feelings. Grief
can be confusing. Sadness, anger, fear and guilt
are some of the most common emotions. You
The death of a loved one, friend or family may feel nothing at all or feel them all at the
member often puts us in touch with our own same time. Do not be afraid of the intensity of
thoughts and feelings about mortality. All of a your emotions. Mood swings are normal.
sudden we realize how quickly life can end. It
is normal to feel out-of-control and over- Guilt can be one of the hardest emotions to deal
whelmed. Realize you are grieving. with and it may last a long time. Self blame and
doubt add to the pain of grief. This can make it
The first step towards regaining a sense of con- difficult to share with others. Talking about
trol is to understand grief. Grief is a physical, your feelings or keeping a journal often helps
social, emotional, psychological and spiritual you gain perspective and insight. There are no
reaction to loss. It is natural, normal and neces- right or wrong feelings in grief, there are just
sary. It may cause a variety of reactions, your feelings.
including:

Take control
• Feeling tired and irritable. You may It is important at this time to do things that can
experience insomnia or feel tired all the give you back some sense of control. You will
time.

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