Page 209 - The Houseguest

I know you believe it is God who brought you through the hardships. But I must wonder if it was Him or your unwavering belief in Him that gave you the strength you needed. The belief that things would get better, the belief that what is today does not represent what can be tomorrow, and the belief that you were not alone. Belief and faith, faith and belief. Interchangeable. Invisible. Impossible, at least for me.
So, it is with a heavy heart that I must say goodbye. By the time you read this letter, I will have crossed over to whatever awaits me, by my own hand. In your eyes, I will not go to Heaven for I have not accepted Christ. If that’s the case, I accept my fate. Life here was hell for me anyway. But please consider this scenario, as it may ease your sorrow. Maybe...just maybe you’re not entirely correct. Perhaps there is a place for people like me, in between. What I choose to believe as I soon take my last breath is that I will be sent to a place with others who are pure of heart, yet could never truly and fully believe as you do...the not faithful, yet not faithless -- The Betwixt. You tell me God judges the heart. Sis, I know my heart is worthy.
I cannot figure out the evidence they say they have against me or how this could’ve happened. I’ve given up trying to figure it out. At least when dad set me up, I knew who to blame. I knew who to forgive. I suppose you can consider this my last will and testament, though I’ve nothing to bequeath to you except the knowledge that I am at peace with what I am about to do. Please do not ever think I wavered in my decision or for once didn’t think it was the right thing for me. Leaving you is the only part of this scenario that doesn’t feel right. But I know
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life