Page 228 - The Houseguest

REDEMPTION
I stopped taking the meds the very next morning. Through the bars, they handed me the small plastic cup of pills and another of water. The distributor waited, as was routine, for me to swallow the pills. I threw my head back and opened my mouth to satisfy him that the pills were gone. Satisfied, he turned to dispense medication to the next prisoner. But I hadn’t swallowed the pills. Instead, I tucked them tightly under my tongue only to spit them into the sink when the distributor was out of sight. I wondered how many days it would take to get my mind back to wherever it was at this stage.
It wasn’t until day eight that I began to notice a difference, a difference I didn’t appreciate. Vivid nightmares began again as they had after the accident, but this time they involved Brian, Laura and even Rachel. The worst of these horrible dreams repeated the details of the day Rachel shot me. I relived watching the ghostly images of Karina and Katie walk out of my life forever. I felt the pain of the bullets piercing my body and watched the blood spurt from the wounds. But there was something different now. I also felt pain, in my heart. There was an extreme empathy enveloping my entire soul. What had I done? The sobbing didn’t stop for days. The psychiatrist for the prison was summonsed to consider placing me on a suicide watch. I gathered myself together just long enough to fake normalcy when she interviewed me.
The shame increased exponentially each day. Laura’s words about her brother facing death more bravely than I played over and over in my mind. Was she knowingly, or unknowingly, suggesting that I try to
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life