Page 230 - The Houseguest

fear admonishment from an entity I now realize never existed. Obviously, Karina and Katie’s ghostlike images represented my own morality trying to break through the impenetrable walls of my madness. And now there is a glimmer of hope that I could be with them on the other side. This is what I shall focus on, not the potential torments of an underworld such as hell. I’m sure Brian formed more positive thoughts before facing whatever awaited him, and now awaits me.
Those who grieve so terribly over someone who has taken their own life have always confused me. In reality, in lieu of tears, there should be relief and a sense of joy that the victim is no longer trapped within the walls of their own psychological prison. Mental suffering is one of the greatest forms of cruelty inflicted on mankind. There is no salve to relieve the burn, no stitches to stop the bleeding. Mind altering medications attempt to protect the underlying wounds like an invisible Band-Aid. But there are some wounds just too deep to heal, and if the griever were to sincerely try to understand the wounded’s mindset, they would realize the torture they are going through. To intentionally end an existence is the last, drastic and final decision made by an individual who cannot endure the anguish, nor the self-reproach of not reaching the expectations society has placed upon them. I’ve been in this familiar place before, and here I am again.
I asked them to allow me to make one phone call, resulting in a voicemail for Laura in which I spoke only three words: “I am sorry.” Perhaps now she will be able to find the forgiveness she so desperately seeks. I was escorted back to my cell and waited for darkness to arrive. Having read the article about Brian, I mimicked his approach.
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life