Page 188 - Some Dance to Remember

158 Jack Fritscher

I’ve been a long time bringing this up, and I promise I’ll never mention
it again.”
Ryan called for the check “Do you want me to come back to your
apartment or do you just want me to fuck off?”
“Come back. That’s all I had to say. I wanted you to know that as an
expert, I can tell you for certain that Kick’s a bum. He’s a hustler.”
“Bull.”
“He’s a hustler.”
“He’s never asked for a thing.”
“He will. Hustlers always do. I’ll bet you pay for all the drugs.”
“Fuck you.”
“You’ll give gladly until finally you can give no more. You’re a check-
book and he knows it.”
“I’m not one of those guys!”
“Who went to the seminary because he was afraid to go to a regular
high school? You forgot America is one big high school. Gay life is every-
thing you ever feared about high school. Only worse. You’re scared of
bullies. That’s why you keep writing that gay life is dangerous. All life is
dangerous.
“I’m not in high school anymore.”
“But you live and die on Castro,” Solly said. “That’s one fraternity you
better beware of, because those boys’ pecking order is size, looks, and cold,
hard cash. You want to play in that league? You pays your money and you
takes your chances. You are right about one thing: gay boys can eat you
alive. So can hustlers. I know. And you’ve got one living in your house.”
Solly reached across the table and almost touched Ryan’s forearm.
Ryan wanted to stab Solly with his fork.
“Ry,” he said, “Kick is the high school bully all us effeminate little
gay boys feared would stroll out of the locker room and beat us up. They
were blond, athletic, handsome. They were everything we were not. That’s
why we secretly loved them. That’s what muscles and S&M are all about.
Bully worship.”
“I’m out of here!”
“I’ve been afraid of bullies all my life. That’s why I love my boys so
much. They’re bullies I can control. They’re bullies I can get even with.
Every bully will take a tumble for cash. I make straight bullies have gay sex
for money. I make them sell their precious heterosexuality for thirty bucks.
That’s how cheap the price is on their straightness. That’s my revenge on
all butch bullies I’ve ever known. You and I are the same.” Solly’s face was
tender. “We’re both into bully worship.”

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