Page 431 - Some Dance to Remember

Some Dance to Remember 401

them all dead.”
“Then, my friend, you live in the right City.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means we’ll all soon be dead.”
“I hope so. I sincerely hope so.”
“Do you know the Chinese proverb?” Solly asked. “‘May you live in
interesting times.’”
“If it gets any more interesting, I think I’ll be the one who dies,” Ryan
said. “And for the first time in my life, I don’t fucking care.”
“Bite your tongue. Be careful what you say. People usually get what
they wish for. Remember, this is California.”
“For godsakes!”
“I just thought you might be comforted,” Solly watched so much TV
he spoke like a news anchor, “that James Curran, chief federal epidemiolo-
gist, announced today that AIDS will become evermore the leading cause
of Death for gay men through the end of the century.”
“I want a freeze-frame ending,” Ryan said “Right here! Right now!”
Solly lounged back on his white couch. “What you’re saying is like
air.”
Ryan stood at the window and pressed his hot forehead to the cool
glass. The City shimmered in the night below him. He was suddenly
afraid of the great height from the street. He was afraid he might jump.
“But air is very valuable,” Solly continued. “Breathe deep. Calm
down.”
Ryan turned from the window. “Paging Dr. Quack!” His humor col-
lapsed. “Sometimes...” His need to confess embarrassed him. “I want to
mutilate myself. Cuts. Burns. Tattoos.”
“Take another breath,” Solly said. “I go through this myself about
once a month. There’s no anxiety like sexual anxiety. If it’s any comfort,
tomorrow is another day.”
“I want him dead.”
“Which one?”
“Kick,” Ryan said. “Who gives a fuck about Teddy.”
“I think I can end all this nonsense about Kick for you.”
“Oh, really? Oh, Solly!”
“I can.”
“No you can’t. No one can. I’ll follow him the rest of my life. Wher-
ever he goes, I’ll go. I’ll worship him from afar. If I can’t be his adoring
friend, I’ll be his adoring fan.”
“That’s short for fanatic.”

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