Page 7 - Teach Tearmainn Flipbook 2023

Teach Tearmainn Helping to Transform a Woman’s Life
Carol was in a marriage for ten years, throughout this relationship she and her four children were exposed to and experienced verbal, emotional, mental, financial, sexual and physical abuse. Carol along with her children came to Teach Tearmainn in the height of the covid 19 lockdown in February 2021. They were finally safe from experiencing the abuse inflicted upon them by Carol’s ex husband, Matt. But Matt continued to try to abuse Carol by threatening her life and that of their children’s while they were in the refuge. Despite these challenges, with the holistic support of Teach Tearmainns team Carol was able to put in place the supports and the help she and her children needed to escape the violence and abuse. Carol describes in her own words the abuse she endured at the hands of Matt,
“I loved him so much but over time I was laughed at, degraded, and humiliated. I was made to feel I was wrong and not good enough this left me feeling like I was a failure. The name-calling that made me feel ugly and worthless had a huge impact on my confidence and my self-esteem. My confidence I once had disappeared. His abuse left me feeling that I couldn’t be loved or respected. I retreated into a quiet shell of myself. I became very withdrawn and in constant need of his approval or any type of positive attention. The passing years brought more abuse and violence our world became smaller and smaller as I was cut off from family, friends, and society. I lost my sense of purpose and the only reason I was living was for my children. I had no hope and no dreams for the future. I knew I couldn’t go back to education or work because I wasn’t allowed. I had no friends and was withdrawn from family most of the time to protect them from the constant threats that would be made against them. My world became the roof over my head and the people under it. Over time I came to believe it was my fault and that I deserved to be treated in this way. So much of the abuse was degrading and bizarre that I would choose to block it out because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, I felt no one would believe me anyway! He would often interrogate me if I had been to the supermarket or had left the house to run errands. This often resulted in having to account for my every move. Everything I did or said was scrutinised by him and it was mentally draining and degrading. He would often threaten my family to hurt them physically, so to protect them and my children I stopped seeing and interacting with them, it was heartbreaking for myself and my children. Our world became smaller and smaller we were trapped! If he was working away the power of his control was so strong that even if he was 100 miles away the fear was so bad that I would never break his rules, contact family or friends, or leave the house without his permission. I tried everything I could in the hope I wouldn’t be the reason for a row to start. I used to believe I wasn’t being abused because the physical abuse wasn’t constant, but I was being mentally, emotionally, sexually, and financially abused every day.
However, with the support and guidance from Teach Tearmainn Women’s support service, the court support service I have been able to create a safe environment and a home of love and support slowly but surely for myself and my children. My children are attending Teach Tearmainn’s children’s support service where they are receiving one to one support around their trauma and experiences. I am looking forward now. I will always do everything I can to make sure my children have all the support they need and most importantly that they are safe from the impact of domestic violence and abuse. Teach Tearmainn gave me and my children a safe place to go when the abuse became so bad our lives were in danger. Teach Tearmainn have supported me and empowered me to break the cycle of violence and to teach my children self-worth, self-respect, empathy, and understanding for others but most importantly for themselves.
It has taken time to regain my confidence and trust that I can move forward as I was so worn down