Page 432 - Total War on PTSD

During the first week of REBOOT, the instructor told us “You may experience healing from trauma that happen to you long before war.” As the words came out of his mouth, it was as if he had hit a nerve. Through all of the struggling, the thought hadn’t really occurred to me. Could my struggles have started prior to my military career?
As I sat there, I could feel my blood pressure rising as distant memories rushed to the front of my mind. I fought the return of the memories, but it was as if they were dying to escape the secret cave where they had been hiding.
When I was a child, for many years, I was sexually molested by my cousin. This is a secret I had kept from everyone, including my own wife. I had dealt with it. I was over it. I couldn’t change it, so what was the point in reliving those dark moments? I simply stuffed it and moved on. Following this molestation, I in turn began to sexually abuse other members of my family. My sexual appetite grew out of control.
I began to wonder if perhaps I was gay. But I didn’t think I was. I would try to get the attention of girls at school, but they didn’t seem to notice me. Maybe I wasn’t a real man?
I began to search for ways to prove my “manhood” to everyone around me. It is this search that led me into the Army recruiting station. I figured, if I join the Army and fight bad guys, surely that will make me a real man and prove to the world I have what it takes.
Looking back, the recruiter I met that day was full of lies — or maybe he just told me what I wanted to hear. As we discussed various job opportunities in the military, he
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