Page 954 - Total War on PTSD

that there was any issue there to begin with. The first time I returned from deployment and filled in a post-deployment mental health screening...checking off nearly all the questions as a 'Yes'; the response from the person reviewing the document afterwards, when I met with them, was "What are you, a nut job? Do I need to send you to psych or something?"
When I got back the second time in 2010 I dealt with the same thing except this time I was told that I'd better change my answers or I'd be kicked out. Three or four months after that I had a complete meltdown, ending up in the hospital and everything and there it was. That was just the climate we dealt with. It's one of the many issues...and I know I'm not alone in that. I understand that it's not just me...it's all of us.
I used to feel like PTSD is a weakness in the sense that it shouldn’t be happening...that I am better than that. That, with my background and my training and the job that I do, that I should be above that. I recognize now that it’s not a weakness and that being able to deal with it and persevere through it is actually a strength...to not be broken.
What keeps me going and pushes me through the darker times is that some of my buddies that died, that aren't here; with my personal experiences it's really the fact that they paid that price and they don't get to move on, and their families don't get to move on. I make that a constant reminder on both the worst, and the best days. That it is my obligation to make the most of this life, and I've got to do it for them. More than anything else, that keeps me going. I'll remember things and times get bad...stuff with my leg amputation particularly, and I get frustrated. I remind myself that I made it through Afghanistan...the buddies...the camaraderie...those things more than anything is what keeps me motivated.
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