Page 955 - Total War on PTSD

There are all those things that, after the fact, you think about reasons why you didn't do something. You always have the time to reanalyze things. I think at times that I should have fought the Medical Board harder than I did. They kind of broke me in that. I got out of the Medical Board once but the physical issues caught up with me and I fought the board again. I finally got so frustrated with everything surrounding the Board that the third time I just said to heck with it. Sometimes I wish I had just fought that harder, but again, who really knows. It's just one of those things that you can always look back and come up with a better answer from experience, but you can't go back and change it.
Most of the time I feel positive about my service. I think it's mostly because of the therapist I see because that helps a lot...that relationship. Having understanding and family support helps me be much more able to acknowledge the issues and talk about the history and the problems. There are moments though that I wish it would all just go away. It's not really an embarrassment...it's more of frustration that the issues are there and that myself and my family have to deal with them. You know that feeling when you just want one perfectly normal day...one without cluttered or bad thoughts...just one day where nothing goes on like that. But overall, I've grown from completely denying the issues to being able to take the steps to seek treatment, to know that treatment is just part of my life. I think I have grown to the point where I am able to use that, to share that, as an experience to help my fellow Veterans who maybe aren't 'there' yet. I let them know that it's okay to seek treatment, that we have done things that normal people never have to do nor get to do, and we're allowed to find ways to deal with our issues.
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