Page 25 - Florida Sentinel 11-4-22

Health
Believe it or not, yes, guys have feelings too. Behind their sometimes tough, no- nonsense exteriors, a lot of men actually have emotions that can be hurt far worse with words than with sticks and stones. Think again! You could be breaking his heart and crushing his ego without even knowing it.
If you value your relation- ship and want to avoid an ex- plosive fight over a whole lot of nothing, there are just some things you should never ever, ever say to a guy.
Luckily, we surveyed over 500 men and these are things they said they never want to hear their mate say to them.
1. Be a man.
Who made women the foremost authority on what the definition of a man is? Even if you had a great father as a role model for what manhood is, every man is still different. You man is dif- ferent. We would like to think that that is the reason why you’re in a relationship with him, so allow him to process, feel and think things through only he can.
Also, in times when gen- der roles and standards are evolving; your guy definitely doesn’t need to “man up” or “be a man.” If your guy is going through something on the personal front and is showing you his vulnerable side; first see how you can support him and then allow him to work his way through it, with you by his side.
2. Why can’t you be more like _______?”
Saying this or something like it sounds like you’re un- happy with your man. You might want to say it as a joke but there’s a grain of truth in
it and the only thing he will hear is that he’s not good enough and he’s not meeting your expectations for what you want. Playing the com- parison game is setting you and him up for failure.
Just think for a second how you might feel if he told you, why can’t you be more like that girl he used to know, or even worse, his mother?
We understand that sometimes these things just slip out of our mouths with- out even thinking but words like this can be really, really hurtful.
Men hate to be compared to others unless the compar- ison is in their favor. Your man wants to feel that you’ve chosen him because you like himasheisnotforwhoyou want him to be.
3. Do You Think She’s Pretty?
Even worse than asking if you look fat is asking if he thinks another girl is pretty. Because you totally want him
to check out all the other girls walking down the street. Yeah, that’s a genius idea (sarcasm intended).
This question is pinning him between a rock and a hard place. He knows he can’t win. He knows he can never provide a response that will result in a positive outcome. If he says that he thinks the other girl is cute, thenyou might start compar- ing yourself with her. What does he see in her? You might even follow up by ask- ing him if he thinks the other girl is hotter than you. No good can come of this.
If he says that he doesn’t think the other girl is attrac- tive (when you obviously think she is), then again you might question his sincerity. You might think he’s lying to avoid your anger or further questioning and you might start to wonder what else he could be lying about. Why is he sweating? Are his hands trembling? All it does is lend itself to jealousy and resent-
ment, igniting meaningless fights for no reason in partic- ular.
4. Why don’t you ac- cept that you’ve failed?
It’s innate for most guys to want to achieve. Tradi- tionally, men have been hunters and gatherers and they want to provide, score, win, etc. So if something’s not working out for him, many men may go back and try to work on it in order for them to win in the end.
That type of tenacity and perseverance is an asset, not a liability.
This advice is relative, be- cause if he’s 40-something living in his parent’s garage and still is trying to be a rap- per, then you may need to say something. But then on the flip side, who knows what might happen?
5. You’re mama’s boy.
There are few personal
bonds stronger than one be- tween a son and his mother. Accept that and know that. Now, it’s a different story when a man confides in his mother more than his own spouse. But, don’t ever choose to tease a man about his relationship with his mother.
Don’t make him choose between his mom and him, because you’d really rather keep both–they’re both valu- able. No mother is perfect, and it’s not like your mother is made of doesn’t have her fair share of issues either.
This is true for any im- portant relationship he may have in his life. It’s about cre- ating a win-win where every- one can be happy. And if this means enduring another awkward dinner at his par- ent’s place, so be it. It’s just another bonding event and an opportunity to gain in- sight and an advocate as well.
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