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However, it is best advised to take the space you need to sort out this emotion before diving into something else. This anxiety and a whirlwind of other emotions can make everything feel like a conflict. Everyday life may feel as if it is filled with conflict because we are still faced with a great deal of grieving stress.
Through this experience, it is important to “keep life as simple as possible” (Saunders, 1992: 55). Even some time after a loved one dies, we may act as if they are still around. We may go to talk to them, call them, or even visit them when they are not in fact there. This is the stage of acting out our emotional expectations. Emotional acceptance of death does not occur quickly, and can be triggered by many everyday experiences. Finally, prolonged stress is an underlying pattern in this stage. The grieving process requires a significant amount of emotional energy and leads to both physical and emotional stress. Being aware of our stress is important, and allowing ourselves to feel stressed is equally as important. In order to move to the next stage, it is important to expose your feelings, give yourself permission to feel, and talk about your feelings and loss as much as you can. In addition to these recommendations you can eat a balanced diet, exercise, and get support through our local hospice grief group. Eventually the stage of awareness of loss will end and be succeeded by: conservation and the need to withdraw.
Stage 3: Conservation and the Need to Withdraw
Just when we believe we have cried all of our tears; we enter the third stage of grief which roughly resembles depression. Much like depression, this stage is exhausting, sad and lonely.
Some of the characteristics of this stage are: withdrawal and the need to rest, despair, diminished social support, and helplessness. During this period, you
will likely want to distance yourself from social activities and stay alone. You may have the urge to push yourself to your physical limits simply to reassure yourself you are not depressed. This stage is in fact despair, rather than depression. You will wish over and over that your loved one is with you, likely making efforts to get them back although intellectually we know they are gone. You will not want to admit it to yourself yet emotionally. Further, while everyone is helpful in the beginning of your grieving journey, they may feel you are okay as they do not understand the amount of time required in your process. At this time, it is important to give yourself time and reach out if needed for support. Finally, this stage may feel the most helpless of all. There is nothing that can be done to get your loved one back and you are realizing this is the case. It is okay to feel helpless, and it is important to recognize and experience your helplessness. In order to move to the next stage, it is important to allow yourself to withdraw, sleep and mourn. It may be helpful to rearrange furniture and create a new scenery without your loved one. Once this stage is over, you will meet the fourth stage of grief: healing.
Stage 4: Healing
In your stage of healing you have reached a turning point; from being stuck, to moving forward. There is no one point where this happens, but small changes in your every day life may be signs of healing. Perhaps you have enough energy to attend social events again, or you just feel a little lighter.
This stage will allow for you to form a new identity and create a new role for yourself as an individual in the world. You may feel like a teenager all over again, rediscovering your place and who you are now. The new you will emerge slowly, and you will find your stability.
Page 12 - Devlin Funeral Home