Page 20 - Devlin Funeral Home

The best thing to do with grief is to grieve. It can be difficult to find a safe environment, a place in which and people with whom this can happen. Soon after our loss we are doing well if we are crumpled up in a corner crying. We must allow the tears and the emotions to flow rather than feeling compelled to “feel better”, or think about how it could be worse, or how the person is better off now, or that it is a blessing that they are no longer suffering, or to remember them as they were, or to dwell on the good, etc. We do these things with the best intentions as we want to help, and we are uncomfortable with death. This defers the reality and takes away permission to grieve. People need to feel safe and this is created by a place where there is no denial and where grief is accepted as normal and even healthy.
The Value of Participation
It is not a bother to the living to participate when a loved one dies. Friends and family members are honoured to lend a helping hand in creating a beautiful ceremony to
celebrate the life of the deceased. The busy schedule that is created by planning and putting together a service after one has passed is a gift to the living. What is more important in life than to honour those before us who have paved the way or made mistakes that taught us lessons? Involvement of friends and family creates a sense of pride and purpose for those involved. It is a way of showing love as well as establishing the significance of your loved one. Although funerals or celebrations of life can feel difficult, they play an important role in healing by giving the family permission and a safe place to grieve. Holding a funeral or other service also gives the family an opportunity to make decisions on behalf of their loved one.
The Value of Roots
When Hitler set out to destroy the Polish Jews one of the first things he did was dig up their cemeteries. After the war the Jewish people spent hours and hours putting together the grave markers like giant puzzles. These people understood that roots matter. Society is changing and
Page 20 - Devlin Funeral Home