Page 232 - WDT INTERACTIVE

THE ICK OF THE VAMPIRE EEL

Impressions

of a Curious

American

Tourist in Alow – for starters, that would be frog legs, rabbit,
mong those French delicacies that I can’t swal-

France duck, pâté and foie gras -- one rises above them all,

slithery and slimy.
Take the Lamprey. Please.
Among so many varieties of eels that lurk beneath,
By John Freeman this eel is the eel-iest, by far, some 20 inches of wiggly,
squiggly ick. Turns out Lampreys look like most eels,
Here’s a series of six impressions from a recent 12-day with one exception: They have a circular suction cup
trip to France. As background, we spent the first four days for a mouth. Plus razor-sharp teeth. Not a good look.
in Paris, then took a 7-day river cruise (via Uniworld) to the Much akin to Jimmy Buffet’s favorite cheeseburger,
Bordeaux region. these Medieval relics have a carnivorous habit that
Did we have a great time? Oui. Are we happy to back means they attach that sucker to the flesh of, we
home? Oui, oui. assume, unsuspecting fish that happen to meander
As a disclaimer, these tales are arranged in no particular by. Then they suck that poor fish’s blood.
order, nor are they intended to be historically precise or Worse yet, the French actually eat Lamprey. But
even culturally refined. They simply reflect my writerly not before they go through an arduous process of
observations and impressions as a curious American tourist, preparation, which includes adding their blood. That of
a stranger in a sometimes strange – though very welcom- the eel, not the chef.
ing – country that’s often misunderstood and even avoided. Seems eating these hideous creatures has been a
thing for nearly forever, with the recipe little changed
since. They are easily available in most any French
village market, alive and kept captive in watery plastic
tubs, ready for their fate. And yours, if you dare.
After you’ve caught or bought one, first you must kill
it -- by any means possible. Then marinate that bad
boy in its own blood for days. Then skin it. Don’t forget
to surgically remove the suction cup. You can’t miss it.
Slice into long, gooey strands. Add plenty of white
wine, onion, garlic, herbs, salt, butter. Simmer for 30
minutes. Better yet, forever.
Bon appétit.

232 WDT MAGAZINE WINTER 2018