Page 85 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper March/April 2018 Edition

Idiocy, Fabrications & Lies of Ancient Aliens 85

The Idiocy, Fabrications

and Lies of Ancient Aliens

The History Channel presents self-
appointed challengers of science who
take on the idea that aliens caused the
extinction of non-avian dinosaurs

By Brian Switek

Until now, I have assiduously avoided Ancient
Aliens. I had a feeling that if I watched the
show—which popularizes far-fetched, evidence-
free idiocy about how human history has been
molded by extra-terrestrial visitors—my brain
would jostle its way out of my skull and stalk the
earth in search of a kinder host. Or, at the very
least, watching the show would kill about as
many brain cells as a weekend bender in Las
Vegas. But then I heard the History Channel’s
slurry of pseudoscience had taken on dinosaurs.
I steeled myself for the pain and watched the
mind-melting madness unfold. the author of Forbidden Archeology, and Willie Dye takes up the standard creationist line
I’m actually glad that my editors don’t E. Dye is credited as a biblical archaeologist that humans and dinosaurs coexisted and
allow me to cuss a blue streak on this blog. If without any mention of his young earth reappears a little later in the episode to throw his
they did, my entire review would be little more
creationist views. Ancient Aliens producers support to a different icon of creationist
than a string of expletives. Given my clearly did not care about the credentials or nonsense—the Ica stones from Peru. These
restrictions, I have little choice but to try to expertise of the talking heads they employed— famous fakes are stones engraved with images
encapsulate the shiny, documentary-format just so long as someone said the right things in of dinosaurs and humans interacting. They were
rubbish in a more coherent and reader-sensitive front of the camera. created by farmer Basilio Uschuya and his wife,
way. And the creationists didn’t disappoint. using pop culture depictions of dinosaurs in
The episode is what you would get if you About halfway through the program, Cremo books as their guides. Despite this, both Dye and
dropped some creationist propaganda, Erich von says, “Some researchers found human footprints the Ancient Aliens program present the stones as
Däniken’s Chariots of the Gods and stock alongside the footprints of dinosaurs.” The if they were authentic ancient artifacts that
footage from Jurassic Fight Club into a blender.
quote is a line out of context from Cremo’s record the survival of dinosaurs such as
What results is a slimy and incomprehensible interview, but is played in a section claiming that Triceratops to almost the present day. Dye says
mixture of idle speculation and outright American Museum of Natural History that ancient people must have known a lot about
fabrications which pit the enthusiastic “ancient paleontologist Roland T. Bird found human dinosaurs because the stones are engraved so
alien theorists,” as the narrator generously calls footprints associated with dinosaur trackways in precisely, even though we know that precision
them, against “mainstream science.” I would say the vicinity of Glen Rose, Texas. came from Uschuya copying mid-20th century
“You can’t make this stuff up,” but I have a Bird didn’t find any such thing. He found dinosaur art so carefully. Our narrator says that
feeling that that is exactly what most of the many dinosaur footprints and trackways—one scientists are skeptical about the origin of the
show’s personalities were doing. of which he and his crew partially excavated and stones, but nothing more.
There was so much wrong with the
anachronistically placed behind the AMNH’s The show offers a few other awful gems.
Ancient Aliens episode that I could spend all “Brontosaurus“—but no human tracks. Our narrator goes on at length about how
week trying to counteract every incorrect Strangely, though, hoaxed human tracks did carbon-14 dating is unreliable for telling the age
assertion. This is a common technique among have a role to play in Bird’s decision to initially of dinosaurs, but paleontologists do not use
cranks and self-appointed challengers of visit the tracksites. carbon-14 to estimate the age of non-avian
science; it is called Gish Gallop after young Bird wasn’t the first person to notice the dinosaurs. Radiocarbon dating only works for
earth creationist Duane Gish. When giving dinosaur tracks, and selling the sauropod and carbon-bearing materials up to about 60,000
public presentations about evolution and theropod tracks was a cottage industry in the years old. Instead, paleontologists use different
creationism, Gish rapidly spouted off a series of vicinity of Glen Rose. And a few local people radiometric dating techniques to constrain the
misinterpretations and falsehoods to bury his
carved fake human tracks in the same stone. history of non-avian dinosaurs. In uranium-lead
opponent under an avalanche of fictions and Bird actually saw a pair of such forgeries at a dating, for example, geologists investigate the
distortions. If Gish’s opponent tried to dig trading post in Gallup, New Mexico, along with relative abundance of uranium and lead, the
themselves out, they would never be able to dinosaur tracks removed from the Glen Rose element uranium decays into, to determine the
make enough progress to free themselves to take area, shortly before he left to investigate the site age of the rock the materials were sampled from.
on Gish directly. Ancient Aliens uses the same himself. Different dating systems are used for
tactic—the fictions come fast and furious. Bird wasn’t fooled by the fakes. He saw rocks of different ages, and these techniques
While the main point of the episode is them for what they were, and was much more have put time estimates on when dinosaurs
that aliens exterminated dinosaurs to make way interested in the real dinosaur tracks imprinted lived. The key is finding layers such as ash beds
for our species—a sci-fi scenario accompanied
in the same stone. But some creationists, blinded that contain radioactive materials and are above
by some hilarious, mashed-together footage of by dogma, have put their faith behind fakes and or below layers containing dinosaurs. Since
dinosaurs fleeing from strafing alien craft, even dinosaur tracks that they have dinosaur bones themselves can’t be reliably
perhaps a preview of Dinosaurs vs. Aliens the misinterpreted as being human footprints. When dated, geochronologists determine the age of the
movie—the various ancient alien experts do theropod dinosaurs squatted down, for example, under- or overlying rock to constrain the
little more than assert that such an event must the backs of their lower legs, the metatarsals, left timeframe for when the dinosaur lived. Ancient
have happened. Surprise, surprise, they provide slightly curved depressions in the Cretaceous Aliens, reliant on tired creationist talking points,
no actual evidence for their claims. Instead, they sediment, and creationists have misconstrued casts aspersions over a process that the show’s
borrow evidence for fundamentalist Christians, these markings to be the footsteps of ancient creators clearly don’t understand.
who are never actually identified as such.
people. (Continued on page 86)
Creationist Michael Cremo is identified only as