Page 86 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper March/April 2018 Edition

86 Idiocy, Fabrications & Lies of Ancient Aliens

The Idiocy, Fabrications

and Lies of Ancient Aliens

Continued from Page 85

But my favorite bit of babble involves the
ultimate fate of the dinosaurs. The show can’t
even keep its own story straight. Fringe
television personality Franklin Ruehl makes a
case for the modern or recent existence of non-
avian dinosaurs by way of the coelacanth. These
archaic lobe-finned fish, which Ruehl rightly
points out were around long before the first
dinosaurs evolved, were thought to be extinct
before a live one was hauled up off South Africa
in 1938. Since then, a handful of fossil
coelacanth finds has bridged the gap between
their modern representatives and those that lived
at the end of the Cretaceous 66 million years
ago. Their unexpected reappearance has often
been used by cryptozoologists and true-
believers of various stripes to claim that some
other prehistoric lineage may really still be out
there, even if there’s no actual evidence to
suggest this is so.
As paleontologist Darren Naish has
pointed out multiple times, though, the Simpson tells more coherent stories.
coelacanth is a red herring. In strata from the There were a few real scientists on the OPEN CASTING CALL
past 66 million years or so, at least, coelacanth program. Paleontologists Luis Chiappe and
fossils are rare and hard to identify. It’s not Mark Wilson, for example, make appearances If you are experienced in any of the following
really surprising that their fossil record appears throughout the show. I can’t help but feel bad for types of divination and would like to be
to have petered out. Non-avian dinosaurs, them, and wonder whether scientists should considered for a part in a new television
however, had bones that were far more simply boycott appearing on such programs. series, our producers want to hear from you:
diagnostic. In fact, the resolution of prehistoric While I think it’s worthwhile and essential to
eras gets better as we investigate slices of time call out false claims made in the name of Aeromancy
approaching the present. If creatures as large and science—such as intelligent design and myths of Astragalomancy
distinctive as Triceratops, Stegosaurus, living dinosaurs—programs like Ancient Aliens Bibliomancy
Apatosaurus and Tyrannosaurus really did thrive only abuse scientists. Responsible researchers Cartomancy
for millions of years after the end-Cretaceous are typically taken out of context to help set up
asteroid impact, they would have turned up in unsupported fictions spewed by the alien fan Dowsing
the fossil record by now. The evidence is clear— club. Shows like Ancient Aliens, MonsterQuest Necromancy
with the exception of avian dinosaurs, all other and Finding Bigfoot apparently have little or no Numerology
dinosaur lineages went extinct about 66 million interest in actually talking about science. The Rhabdomancy
years ago. most sensationalist speculation will always Palmistry / Chiromancy
Shortly after Ruehl makes his triumph. On these shows, scientists just can’t Pyromancy
proclamation, however, the program entirely win. Scrying
forgets what he said. Near the show’s Ancient Aliens is some of the most Seance
conclusion, the narrator speculates that aliens noxious sludge in television’s bottomless chum Talking Boards
manipulated dinosaur DNA to turn the imposing bucket. Actual experts are brought in to deliver Tarot Cards
creatures into smaller, less-dangerous animals sound bites that are twisted and taken out of Tasseography
like the coelacanth. Never mind that coelacanths context while fanatics are given free reign.
were already present in the world’s oceans more Fiction is presented as fact, and real scientific
than 360 million years ago—more than 130 research is so grossly misrepresented that I can The Digital Broadcast Network in Hamilton
million years before the very first dinosaurs only conclude that the program is actively lying (www.digitalbroadcastnetwork.ca), Ontario is
evolved. The suggestion is unadulterated bunk to viewers. To present the show as a looking for Psychics, Mediums, Tarot Card
Readers, Palmists, Runes Readers, and other
(as is they whole show, really). And then crazy- documentary, on a non-fiction network, is a practitioners of the divination arts for their new
haired alien fanatic Giorgio Tsoukalos throws loathsome move by the History Channel spinoff. TV series.
out another idea. The coelacanth really did go (Technically, Ancient Aliens airs on an offshoot
extinct, he suggests, but was revived by a “direct of the History Channel called H2.) If the This Casting Call is open to practitioners in
guarantee from extraterrestrials” millions of network and the show’s creators want to present Canada, U.S., Europe and Australia.
years later. Why? Tsoukalos doesn’t seem to Ancient Aliens as a light survey of fringe ideas
care. And his talking head peers generally and make it clear that the ideas aren’t meant to Combined, the executive producer and director
mutter about aliens clearing the way for our be taken seriously, I can’t quarrel with that. But of this series have over 45 years’ experience
species somehow. Ancient Aliens and shows like it winnow away including projects that have been aired on
The show can’t seem to decide whether at actual scientific understanding by promoting OLN, Destination America, and CTV.
aliens exterminated dinosaurs 66 million years absolute dreck. Ancient Aliens is worse than bad
ago or whether dinosaurs somehow survived to television. The program shows a sheer contempt If you would like to be considered for a part of
the modern era. Which is it? Did aliens clear for science and what we really know about this television series, please email your CV,
away dinosaurs so that we might live? Or did nature.[] which must include your area of expertise,
some dinosaurs escape extinction somehow? experience and headshot to
Competing ideas bounce around like ping-pong The ‘X’ Zone Broadcast Network dts@digitalbroadcastnetwork.ca and visit us on
balls during the whole episode. Grandpa www.xzbn.net line at www.digitalbroadcastnetwork.ca.