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July 2010_june_july_2009.qxd 31/07/2010 10:52 AM Page 21 It’s ‘death by cell phone’ for Big Foot 21 It’s ‘death by cell phone’ for But, we see no in-focus UFOs, Yetis or Chupacabra: 2 Coyote- Big Foot, the Yeti … sea monsters. Notice I didn’t include ghosts in there. That’s cause ghosts are among the few Canine Hybrid Creatures By Mark Hayter apparitions that show up mostly in pictures. You Killed in Texas Contributing columnist don’t know they’re there until you look at the photo. Hey, I’ve seen one. If Al can find the by Meg G You know what killed the Abominable picture, I’ll see if the boss won’t put it in. If you Snowman, Sasquatch, Yeti, Big Foot, Lee J. don’t see it’s ‘cause Al couldn’t find it or the If the Chupacabra is Real...Were Cobb? Do you? No, they’re all one and the same CIA wouldn’t let The Courier print it. There Also UFOs in China? … except for Cobb. I just threw his name in to If you think I’m trying to debunk see if you were paying attention. Hate to lose Bigfeet or Loch Nesses or UFOs, you’re sadly people this early in the piece. mistaken. Well, not sadly. That doesn’t even Well, what killed Big Foot is the same make sense to me. Point is, I’ve seen a UFO. At thing that killed the Loch Ness monster and least I saw something in the air that I couldn’t most UFOs. Ready for this? Ta da! It’s the cell identify and it was weird as all get out. Haven’t phone. Pretty obvious wasn’t it? Well then, seen me on TV talking about it, have you? The apparently my mind just thinks differently. Not Government won’t let me. Again, that’s a lie, better, necessarily … but, different … ly. (I’m but it’s really working here. using way too many of those “…” aren’t I? Unfortunately, during my sighting, I “Ellipsis” I think they’re called. I’m sure I’m didn’t have a camera with me. If I had, the photo using ‘em wrong, too, but they just seem to would’ve come out all blurry and weird, ‘cause show up occasionally … along with Bigfoot, I’m a lousy photographer. Or, maybe I had a ghosts, extraterrestrials …) camera and the aliens confiscated it and left a This week, 2 Chupacabra hybrid Back to “death by cell phone.” I thought shard of something in my earlobe to make me about cell phones while seeing about five forget. I’m liking the sound of that. creatures were killed in Texas. It's said that the so-called and suspected Chupacabras were minutes of the latest program on Roswell and I’ve mentioned before that I’d really like actually canine-coyote hybrid creatures. Many Area 51. The Roswell incident happened back to be the President, so I could find out what the people have been captivated by these so-called in ’47. Area 51 has been around since … who government really knows about UFOs and sightings since the first one in Puerto Rico in knows? I don’t. aliens and what all. I’d make somebody show It could’ve been out there during the me all that we’ve got. Of course, I saw a 1990. It's said that the predators live in the time of Moses. They’ve probably got Elijah’s preview of one of the new TV series where they Americas. Chupacabra literally means "goat fiery chariot in a hanger right next to the showed a clip of the President telling some sucker" and it's said that they kill goats and Roswell spaceship. (For those who consider that underling to give him some info. The guy said, drink their blood. I don't think that these scary blasphemy, I don’t really think they have the “I’m sorry, Mr. President. That’s on a need-to- chariot. That was just silly talk.) know basis.” creatures discriminate - any four legged friend is not safe in the sight of this creature! I only mentioned Roswell and Area 51 Boy, if I were President and somebody Some venture to say that these are because I’m tired of hearing about ‘em. It’s sad told me I didn’t need to know something, I’d mythical creatures that don't actually exist. to think that that’s the best we can do. We’ve got have the nearest Secret Service guy make him People get all worked up about the surreal. For some conversations with people who say they talk in a squeak for the rest of his life. “Need to saw stuff? Is that it? Oh, I know there are blurry know basis” my foot! For a President “need to instance, there was also two UFO sightings in China that have the conspiracy theorists' panties photos of UFOs and scary stuff, but come on, know” should be the same as “want to know.” If in a wad. They think that the sightings indicate man, how come every witness to a “happening” the President is kept in the dark, he could push that there is another world and that perhaps we turns out to be a lousy photographer with a a button to send missiles to France, when it was are going . cheap camera? really the escaped extraterrestrials from Area 51 The only decent photo of Bigfoot was who attacked Silver City. (No offense meant to Add this to the Chupacabra sightings the one taken of the guy in the woods walking the French. I just drew France right out of the and you have a pretty good week for the tabloids. Somehow, work Mel Gibson into the straight up, wearing the gorilla suit. He’s air. Could’ve easily been Paraguay … No mix and you have yourself a PERFECT story. looking right at the camera like he’s saying, “Is offense to the Paraguayans.) "UFO OVER CHINA DRIVEN BY GOAT this about where you want me, Herbie?” Oh, well, the only thing left to do is just No, if there are any real Sasquatches out sit back and wait. If there is anything out there, SUCKING CHUPACABRAS FROM OUTER there, we’ll have some real pictures pretty we’ll probably get a picture of it in a week or SPACE!!" jokes aside as previously All quick. Maybe next week. And, that’s because of two. If we don’t, that means there’s nothing out aforementioned the sightings were confirmed as cell phones. Those things take great pictures. there. What I’m thinking. There are too few other types of creatures. Although scary We had a family get-together awhile back, and places for oddities to hide anymore. And there is Jill was snapping pictures right and left with her absolutely nothing that can dodge a camera. looking, the hybrid animals were not goat sucking cryptoids. phone. They came out better than mine did, and They’re everywhere. Of course, that’s not true, I did some research and although there I was taking photos with one of those disposable but it’s true enough to serve as evidence. are a lot of scary creatures in the Memphis area, camera things. You can’t get any better than that Area 51 and Roswell? They were there haven't been any Chupacabra sightings in … I thought. yesterday. I want to see some new stuff. So, let’s Today, nobody goes anywhere without a all go out there and take some cell phone MEMPHIS, although there have been in cell phone. Well, that’s a lie, but since it adds pictures. Starting with Jill. Post ‘em on You Tennessee. According to a blog from the Tennessean, there was a sighting in 2009. more credence to what I’m saying, I thought I’d Tube. Don’t give ‘em to the government. We However, many assume that the creature was use it. People do that on talk radio all the time. know what they’ll do with ‘em. Stick ‘em right really a red fox with mange. It’s become an accepted practice. Accepted by there in Area 51, right next to ET’s bicycle. The guy who spotted the creature, everyone in the Free World. – See how easy it is They didn’t let that poor creature go. You’re according to a paranormal blog, actually kept to do? aware of that aren’t you? [] the creature on ice after killing it, hoping that it So, whether they’re in the woods, at the beach, on a dark and stormy night – insert The Truth is NOT Out There would be confirmed as the mythical creature. (If this sounds strange to you, I invite you to come ellipsis – everyone has the ability to take a picture or a video of anything weird. So far, we Is In visit the great state of Tennessee, especially the western part where the alleged spotting took haven’t gotten any good stuff. Oh, there’s The ‘X’ Zone place.) Grandpa’s pants falling down, a dog attacking a with Rob McConnell You decide - does the Chupacabra really vacuum cleaner, a kid blowing spaghetti out his exist? nose, a lady falling out of a canoe, ellipsis. www.xzoneradiotv.com
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