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5 Reasons Why Angels are Nonsense 51

5 Reasons Why Angels are

Nonsense – Even for

Christians

Continued from Page 49

Why are the guardian angels there? Are
they a substitute for seat belts in cars? No,
Christians and Jews who don’t buckle-up in cars
without airbags go through the windshield face
first, same as everyone else. Going into the
water without a life vest and the swimming
skills of a brick take Christians and Jews straight
to the bottom, same as everyone else. OK, so
maybe the guardian angels don’t save us from
god’s ordained harm to our persons, but what
about guarding us from temptation? Can
Christians and Jews resist the temptation of
illicit sex, of drugs and rock and roll, of
homosexuality, of a desire to work on the
Sabbath, of the all-consuming hunger for thick piranha pond, or getting a new selection of prefers kings to the detriment of democracies or
sliced, smoke cured fried bacon, because of the
odious STDs. Maybe they guard people from a republics? He’s god the all-powerful, and he
presence of their guardian angel? Nope, no belief in evolution? If so, that would explain presumably doesn’t need angel powered
evidence of it at all. Christians and Jews engage quite a bit of the rampant idiocy in certain parts locomotion to move about.
in these activities, except maybe for the bacon, of America.
at the same rate as everyone else.
5. Singing Sycophants
So what exactly do guardian angels
4. Furniture Or Draft Animals
guard us from? Any ideas? Maybe they help us
Angels in the Testaments and in popular
find our lost car keys? But in terms of dangers to
When Ezekiel meets with YHWH, he sees four imagination are always singing god’s praises. If
our lives, there doesn’t appear to be anything. If
angels holding up the throne of god. you ask a Christian what are 5 things they will
they helped with our health, then people would
“And out of the midst thereof came the do in heaven, one of them is sure to be singing.
pray to the guardian angel for a cure for their likeness of four living creatures. And this was It’s the only fun thing that isn’t a sin really. And
cancer, and avoid the hospital. We all know that
their appearance: they had the likeness of a they encircle YHWH in their multitudes singing
this just gets you closer to god, meaning death,
man. And every one had four faces, and every his praises in succession, according to many
and doesn’t help your health at all. And
one of them had four wings. And their feet were Jewish thinkers. But others claim that they don’t
Christians and Jews stub their toes, fall off the
straight feet; and the sole of their feet was like actually sing, they just praise god and occasional
ladder, drop dishes, and go through all the other
the sole of a calf's foot; and they sparkled like shout joyously. You have to wonder about
ordinary daily tribulations same as non-
burnished brass. And they had the hands of a someone who needs to be constantly reminded
believers, so the guardian angels don’t seem to
man under their wings on their four sides; and how wonderful they are.
be doing anything except watching and
they four had their faces and their wings [thus]: To which all I can say is: “God, just get
listening. their wings were joined one to another; they an iPod.” []
Someone told me that the guardian
turned not when they went; they went every one
angels are there to save you from the
straight forward. As for the likeness of their
perturbations of or possession from demons.
faces, they had the face of a man; and they four
OK, so maybe each one of us also has their own
had the face of a lion on the right side; and they
demon who is seeking to enter our body and the
four had the face of an ox on the left side; they
guardian angel is battling them to keep us
four had also the face of an eagle. And their
demon free. So we have three beings walking
faces and their wings were separate above; two
around with us; god the omnipresent, the
[wings] of every one were joined one to another,
guardian angel and a demon. Don’t they get and two covered their bodies. And they went DID YOU KNOW...
bored? Again, if this is the case, why can’t god
every one straight forward: whither the spirit Love and Marriage
do it himself, or just get rid of the demons in the
was to go, they went; they turned not when they
first place. It should be pretty simple for the
went…” (Ezekiel 1:5-12 American Standard - In South Korea, a can of Spam is considered
creator of the universe. It’s not a question of
Edition). a great wedding gift.
human “free will” if you have an angel fighting
Does the creator of the universe really
the demon, and you are not aware of either. And
need four, four winged, four faced, calf footed, - Inspiration for the Rolling Stone’s song
if this is the case, then I guess demons are pretty
angels to cart around his throne in the seventh “Angie”: David Bowie’s first wife, Angela.
wimpy, since they never seem to beat any
heaven and down to earth for the purpose of
guardian angels – except in a few cases when a
awing the local illiterates? How about a - Queen Victoria’s wedding cake had a
Hollywood movie deal is on offer. I wonder if
helicopter? Of just floating on a cloud? Why circumference of more than 9 feet.
guardian angels get days off? Do they work 12
does he need angel propulsion? Admittedly, it’s
hour shifts? As the number of people increases,
very unclear from Ezekiel just what is going on - Most married couple: Richard and Carole
does god make new angels to keep up with the
here, as the whole description sounds like a bad Roble from New York, with 56 ceremonies.
growing demand for guardian angels? What do
LSD trip. And while we are at it, why does (The first was in 1969.)
they think about while they watch you sleep,
YHWH need a throne? Does his back get sore if
shower, drive, work, etc.? Can you possibly
he stands up all the time? Does he sit on a To Order Your Copy Of
imagine a more boring, mentally deadening job
cushion? If YHWH appeared today in a vision to DID YOU KNOW by Rob McConnell,
than this? Especially when you never get to do
some desert living, sheep loving herder, would Visit
anything when there is some excitement by your
he be riding a Humvee with angels for tires? www.rel-mar.com/didyouknow
guarded human, like a car crash, or falling into a
Since he sits on a throne, does this mean he