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48 5 Reasons Why Angels are Nonsense

5 Reasons Why Angels are

Nonsense – Even for

Christians

By Dean Van Drasek

Angels Make No Sense, Even For
Believers. Why Does This Notion
Persist?

One of the first ways I proved to myself that
there was no god was when I tried to touch the
angel that my mother insisted stayed with me in
my room. When my mother caught me jumping
on the bed trying to touch it, she told me that
angels didn’t like it when you tried to touch
them. “Why?” I asked. “Because they don’t” she
explained, and then I was sure that they were not
real, as sure as I was that the sun was in the sky.
Angels are actually a pretty complex
subject, with a huge number of stories about know, since they made all this up, God is angelic lust for human females was obviously a
them in many different religions. For my money, bureaucratic. strongly held belief, because even by the time of
I tend to prefer the Cambodian Apsaras of Maimonides, an influential Jewish St. Paul, some 500 years or so after Genesis was
Angkor Wat, as they are voluptuous and dead philosopher and apologist of the 12th century in written, people were still worried about those
sexy dancers. Under traditions taken from Spain, contested that there were 10 types of lusty angels: "A man ought not to cover his
Hinduism, Apsaras were created when the sea of angels. Other Jewish writers thought that angels head, since he is the image and glory of God; but
milk was being churned by demons and gods. only existed for a specific task, then vanished. woman is the glory of man. For man did not
They fly without wings. I am just talking about There are 9 angels mentioned by name in the come from woman, but woman from man;
angels in the Christian-Jewish sense for what Testaments. Many more angels are mentioned neither was man created for woman, but woman
follows. by name in the Talmud and Midrash, and angels for man. It is for this reason that a woman ought
are frequent characters in these works and other to have authority [a veil] over her own head,
Most Christians I know believe in angels. They Jewish writings. because of the angels" (1 Cor. 11:7-10, New
are not mentioned in the creation story in According to the Talmud, Midrash and International Version). I guess when angels are
Genesis, so there is no real origin for them. But related texts, angels existed before YHWH made off duty they lounge around on clouds looking
angels play a prominent role in a number of the world, thus getting around their absence in for women with sexy hairstyles….? Boobs and
stories, in both the Christian Old and New Genesis. They lived below YHWH in one of the booty don’t seem to enter the picture when it
Testaments. And people believe many things seven heavens. YHWH himself had the entire comes to angelic lust.
about angels that are not in either Testament, but 7th heaven to himself – why he needs the extra So, On To Why Angels Are Nonsense
come from books of the Apocrypha, especially room is not explained, but the “big guy” usually
the Book of Enoch, which amongst other things does hog the penthouse suite, even in heaven. 1. Messengers
contains the story of the fallen angels. In form, angles can look like humans,
Maybe we should first sort out what with or without wings. Angels in the Hebrew The most common role of an angel is as a
angels are for Christians and Jews. The first Bible come in some wacky forms: four or six messenger, to deliver a message, leave some
reference to angels may come from wings, animal and multiple faces, and the oddest food, point out the right direction, etc. They do a
Zoroastrianism. Angels fulfill the roles of form being the “ofamin” or “wheels” which bunch of useful tasks not really requiring a
celestial messengers and other functionaries. appear in Daniel 7:9 as a beryl-colored wheel- supranational entity. I mean if god is all
This can also be found among the minions of the within-a-wheel whose rims are covered with powerful, couldn’t he just speak out of the air to
gods in the Canaanite pantheon and most other many eyes. The early Christians wrote a these people who need a message? Or if he can
pantheistic mythos. In a word, they are flunkies tremendous amount about angels, and their read our thoughts, can’t he speak to us in our
or courtiers. classification, etc. A popular one was done in the minds? Couldn’t he have a bush talk, burning or
As the “Jewish Encyclopedia” of 1906 5th century by Pseudo-Dionysius, “De Coelesti otherwise? Or a donkey? There is a talking
(available at Jewish Encyclopedia) notes under Hierarchia,” which set out 9 orders of angels. I donkey in the Hebrew Bible already. Why send
the heading Angelology-Postexilic Period: read on one really bad Christian web site that an angel? It seems a pretty worthless job for
During and after the Exile, under the angels were made of “energy, love and light” something supposedly as powerful as an angel.
influence of Babylonian and Persian systems of (Angel Focus). I suppose they captured one, put It’s sort of like delivering the mail in a Lexus. It
belief, a great change becomes noticeable in the it in the blender and then measured the resultant doesn’t make any sense why god needs a third
angelic lore of the Jews. The more the mix. “Bartender! Bring me a double “love” on party to do this.
monotheistic idea took hold of the people— the rocks, with a twist of lime and a swizzle
permitting no being to interfere with the stick.” (Continued on Page 49)
absolute supremacy of YHWH—the greater Don’t ask me what angels ate, or if they
became the need of personifying the working slept, or even what sex they were. It’s all over
forces of life, and of grouping them in ranks the board, and none of it makes much sense.
around the throne of God to form His royal Few, if indeed any, angelologists, agree on
court. His transcendent nature demanded a things. Jewish references opined that angels
more definite system of heavenly functionaries don’t shit, which is one thing that differentiates
attending Him and awaiting His commands. them from demons. But they did like human
Gradually the celestial government was formed women, and those “sons of god” took as wives
after the pattern of the earthly one, as it the “daughters of men” (Genesis 6:1-5) and they
presented itself, imposing and well organized, at had children. So I guess angels have DNA and
the Persian court. 23 pairs of chromosomes, including x and y
So, according to the Jews, who should variants and the super chromosome 2? This