Page 32 - Letter to My Father Curriculums_Neat2

Then the visits began and I can recall the smiles of my heart pumping its way onto my face, my prideful
glow holding your hands, and you answering your friends as they asked “if I’m your daughter?” I
remember the feel of my chest sticking out with delight. You told me you love me so many times, that
I’m a beautiful queen, you told everyone I’m yours. You behaved as a father feeling the joys of giving
birth. I almost forgot we found each other; almost forget the love of my father. Somehow, I was curious
to know you, crazy as it may sound. I cherish the thoughts of those times; moments of life that cannot
be relived nor regained. The one thing you always expressed to me is your love for my mom and your
tormenting regret for not committing to her in the way you would have liked to. I never tried to
interpret your confessions, just accepted it. I came to love you deeply, for a while, before it all fell apart
and it was if we never shared these moments.

I realize, sitting in front of my computer, the whiteness of the monitor shinning like new light on my
face, that several minutes have passed un-noticed. Am I having a brain freeze, a perplexed integration
of my senses, my words, all disappearing with an unspoken “Abracadabra.” It’s a still moment, the
quietest I’ve known for a long time. My emotions seem to be asleep. I can’t seem to get to the word
“Daddy!” Oh, there it is, spewed out like angry prayers.

Matthew Stone, you are my blood rite father, but blood does not replace love, time, or friendship. When
I think of all the things you’ve made time for in your life, all the friends that came and left, I can’t
imagine that you do not now see how important your children should have been in your life. But we
always came in last place on your list. You never appeared to accept the fact that you fathered nine
children, that you influenced our conception, our image and likeness. You never realized that your
children are the single most important and precious gift a father can receive.

You were never there to embrace my unique talents, my intellectual wisdom, my athleticism, my
ambitions, my entrepreneurial ability, my creativity, great personality, my fears and most importantly
my creative writing skills. I am just one of nine so imagine the potential of all your kids put together.
What was the point of making so many of us and then leaving us to chance? I did not want the curse of
you nor my mom to follow me and as a result, I fought the battle of generational curse as I moved from
teenager to young adult to a mature woman. I recall when I was around eighteen to twenty years I was
determined to not have some random pregnancy happen to me. I fought the tide not to walk the path of
my mother and I know she did not want that life for me as well. Not because I see her failures means I
don’t love her but I have to address these pitfalls of life so that I can excel to where I’m headed. I was
determined not to have kids until I get married and sure enough, if wasn’t for the vow I made with
YHWH, the Almighty Father, I could have fallen into the same pattern you and my mother did. I fought
and fought and fought the battles of the sins that haunted your youth. I was determined and fought my
way through the trials and the tests and that’s because of the little knowledge I gained in my early years
and keeping my eyes on dreams I have. Most importantly, I continued on my spiritual journey which has
kept me.

I was very disappointed with you about is for walking away from the job you had been with from your
youth. You had an excellent job working for a company desirable by many and you walked away from it
because of destructive influence. Then you committed an even greater evil by not being able to account

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