Page 231 - The Love Hypothesis

“I would have dropped out of my Ph.D. program if it hadn’t been for

them. Our adviser was well-known in the field for being a sadist. Like I am,
I suppose.” His mouth curled into a bitter smile. “I was aware of his
reputation before starting my Ph.D. Thing is, he was also brilliant. The very

best. And I thought . . . I thought that I could take it, whatever he’d dish out
at me, and that it would be worth it. I thought it would be a matter of

sacrifice and discipline and hard work.” There was a strain to Adam’s
voice, as though the topic was not one he was used to discussing.

Olive tried to be gentle when she asked, “And it wasn’t?”
He shook his head. “The opposite, in a way.”

“The opposite of discipline and hard work?”
“We worked hard, all right. But discipline . . . discipline would presume
specifically laid-out expectations. Ideal codes of behavior are defined, and a

failure to adhere to them is addressed in a productive way. That’s what I
thought, at least. What I still think. You said that I’m brutal with my grads,

and maybe you’re right—”
“Adam, I—”

“But what I try to do is set goals for them and help them achieve them.
If I realize that they’re not doing what we have mutually agreed needs to be

done, I tell them what’s wrong and what they must change. I don’t baby
them, I don’t hide criticism in praises, I don’t believe in that Oreo cookie
feedback crap, and if they find me terrifying or antagonizing because of it,

so be it.” He took a deep breath. “But I also don’t ever make it about them.
It’s always about the work. Sometimes it’s well done, other times it’s not,

and if it’s not . . . work can be redone. It can improve. I don’t want them to
tie their self-worth to what they produce.” He paused, and he looked—no,

he felt faraway. Like these were things he gave a great deal of thought to,
like he wanted this for his students. “I hate how self-important this all

sounds, but science is serious business, and . . . it’s my duty as a scientist, I
believe.”
“I . . .” All of a sudden, the air in the hotel room was cold. I’m the one

who told him, she thought, feeling her stomach flip. I’m the one who told