Page 466 - A Little Life: A Novel

“Don’t,” he says. “It’s not a problem, I swear.” Most of the scheduling in
their lives is handled by Willem’s assistant, by his secretaries: but they are
managing the details of the house upstate themselves. They never discussed

how this happened, but he senses it’s important for them both to be able to
participate in the creation and witness of this place they are building
together, the first place they will have built together since Lispenard Street.
Willem sighs. “But you’re so busy,” he says.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “Really, Willem. I can handle it,” although
Willem continues to look worried.
That night, they lie awake. For as long as he has known Willem, he has

always had the same feeling the day before he leaves, when even as he
speaks to Willem he is already anticipating how much he’ll miss him when
he’s gone. Now that they are actually, physically together, that feeling has,
curiously, intensified; now he is so used to Willem’s presence that his
absence feels more profound, more debilitating. “You know what else we
have to talk about,” Willem says, and when he doesn’t say anything, Willem

pushes down his sleeve and holds his left wrist, loosely, in his hand. “I want
you to promise me,” Willem says.
“I swear,” he says. “I will.” Next to him, Willem releases his arm and
rolls onto his back, and they are quiet.
“We’re both tired,” Willem yawns, and they are: in less than two years,
Willem has been reclassified as gay; Lucien has retired from the firm and he
has taken over as the chair of the litigation department; and they are

building a house in the country, eighty minutes north of the city. When they
are together on the weekends—and when Willem is home, he too tries to be,
going into the office even earlier on the weekdays so he doesn’t have to stay
as late on Saturdays—they sometimes spend the early evening simply lying
together on the sofa in the living room, not speaking, as around them the
light leaves the room. Sometimes they go out, but far less frequently than

they used to.
“The transition to lesbiandom took much less time than I anticipated,” JB
observed one evening when they had him and his new boyfriend, Fredrik,
over for dinner, along with Malcolm and Sophie and Richard and India and
Andy and Jane.
“Give them a break, JB,” said Richard, mildly, as everyone else laughed,
but he didn’t think Willem minded, and he certainly didn’t himself. After

all, what did he care about anything but Willem?